Living Loud
If (Big if by the way) there is anyone out there who is giving ANY consideration at all to taking Dale up on his offer of getting a copy of the "Another Dimension" attempted gig thing, there are a few things that must be noted.
- It was our first time, We know we are shit, but will get better.
- There is a lot of crowd sound that cant be filtered out
- Everyone there was drunk and boisterous
- My acoustic guitar has no pickup, and is hence, very quiet
- The night was cold and rainy and we were in a shed
- Based on all of that, the tinniness of the shed makes everyone sound out of tune and bad. So sue us.
If you are still interested, by all means :P
Or, you could just download them from me via Win MX.
Don't eat the yellow snow
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Bored? Want to see a movie but can’t be fucked?
I was inspired to see how small I could condense the script of zombie movie “Dawn of the Dead” and still maintain ALL of the essential ‘plot points’. Here goes….
Just for the record. Each setting will be in BOLD type. Character dialogue will be follow the name of the character that said it, and character actions will be captured in *little stars*.
Dawn of the Dead.
Some random hospital, Anytown, USA.
Ana (Hot!): Waaah. Waah. Been working for 12 hours, Bitch. Whine. Let me go home! Bitch whine.
Asshole doctor: I’m arranging to play golf tomorrow. You do my work. And cut my milk!
Ana: *Sighs*
Ana: *Gives doctors work to someone else*
Random nurse: Hey! That guy you were looking for is up in ICU.
Ana: For a bite? Weird. Oh well, Ill be leaving now.
Ana: *leaves*
Driveway of some random hospital, Anytown, USA.
Ana: Holy crap! That guy looks like he is dead! Ohmygodohmygod!
Random extra: Haha! You thought I was dead! I was just lying with my legs dangling out the back of my ambulance to scare you and the audience!
Audience *Is not scared*
Random street, Suburbia
Ana *listens to crap on the radio*
Ana: Hello little neighbour girl who is bound to be relevant to the “story” later.
Girl: Hi Ana! Watch me do something cute to make my inevitable death later more tragic!
Ana: *Watches*
Ana’s house.
Ana: Hello husband!
Husband: Hello wife! I was waiting for you! Would you like to engage in a completely random and unexpected sex scene in a shower?
Ana: Sure.
Husband: Scoooooooooooore!
Husband *scores*
*Gratuitous shower sex scene*
Ana *Jizm!* *Orgasmos!*
Scriptwriters: Did we remember to include something relating to the zombie crisis?
*TV in foreground flashes “Special News service bulletin”
Scriptwriters: Mission accomplished!
Audience: Can we see some zombies now?
Scriptwriters: eh, its been 10 minutes, what the hey?
Next morning: Ana’s house.
Ana: *Snore*
Husband: *Wakes up*
Husband: Hey, there is a little neighbour girl standing in our bedroom door staring at me and my hot naked wife. That’s not odd. Lets walk up to her and give her a hug.
Little girl: *looks like she just finished filming “The Ring”*
Husband: *hugs zombie girl*
Zombie girl: GRR WOOF! *snarl*
Husband: Aieee My throat my beautiful throat! *locks zombie girl out*
*blood sprays everywhere*
Ana: Holy Crap! Husband! And Zombie Girl! Aieee!
Ana: *Dials 911* “Here husband, this pitiful dishcloth will staunch the bleeding of your torn jugular!”
Husband: *burble*
Ana: I’m a nurse! Here, let me push that bloody dishrag further into your throat
Husband: *dies*
Ana: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Zombie Husband: *Sits back up*
Ana: I’m a nurse! Him coming back to life is not possible or even logical. But I will go and give him a hug anyway!
Zombie husband: *Grr Roof!
Ana: Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeee! *runs for bathroom*
Zombie Husband: *bashes on door*
*Bashing stops*
Ana: Maybe he got better! *Opens door*
Zombie husband *Snarl!*
Ana: *jumps out window. Gets in car. Drives around. Looks out window at chaos*
Chaos: * Chaotic*
Audience: Can we have some more violence please?
Chaos: *Random violence ensues*
Scriptwriters: Wait, we didn’t script in a pause for the credits sequence and we are already too far into the movie.
Ana: *Crashes car for no reason.*
Ana: Couldn’t you have run the credits while I was conscious?
Scriptwriters: No
Ana: *Unconscious*
Credits roll: Montage of news stories and official looking interviews with army guys talking about zombies. Clips of zombies eating people.
Somewhere off the interstate,
Ana*Wakes up*
Ving Rhames appears with shotgun. Character name: Kenneth
Ken: Who wants a body massage?
Ana: Please save my pajama-clad hotness from the evil zombies!
Ken: Yuh! Ok! Lets go!
Ana: Where are we going?
Ken: There is some random military fort that way; they have guns and nice people! They’ll help us!
Ana: Ok.
Under a bridge, Somewhere.
Ana: Hey look, more people who aren’t zombies!
More people: Yay. More non-zombies
Ken: Who wants a body massage?
Mike: Hi! My name is Mike!
Andre: Hi! My name is Andre!
Luda: Hi! My name is Luda!
Ken: My real name is Irving, but Ving sounds so much more hardcore. Call me Irving and I keel you!
Ana: *Pajama Hotness*
Screenwriters: Lets see, all minority groups spoken for; We have 2 black people, one (now single) white female, one white guy and a pregnant European woman. Wait! We don’t have any old people yet….
Ken: We’re going to the random fort with guns and people? Wanna come?
Mike: Bullshit! Don’t do that. We just came from there.
Andre: Back when there were 8 of us
Ana:…
Ken: …
Mike: …
Luda: I like Europe.
Ken: Was that pause long and ominous enough?
Screenwriters: Uh, Yes. Move on.
Mike: Lets walk up this small hill. Look! A shopping mall.
Inside random shopping mall.
Ana: Look, lets sit in front of this giant glass picture window next to a fountain to rest. *Pajama Hotness!*
Andre: I'm going to look around.
Mike: Me too.
Sports store, Shopping mall.
Mike: Hey look, a sports store. Let me find a better weapon than this shitty metal dagger. Look a wooden croquet mallet!
Audience: *groans*
Somewhere in the mall
Andre: Doo de doo. Hey look, another big glass door. I'm going to lean real close and see what happens.
Audience *groans*
Zombie *bangs up against glass*
Zombie: I eeet your brayon beetch!
Andre: Bullet proof glass fucker! Bye!
Zombie: *Blowfish on window*
Back in the sports store of certain death
Mike: This flimsy wooden mallet will make a bitchass weapon compared to the spear guns and metal baseball bats I can see.
*Creepy Noise*
Mike: Gee I wonder what that creepy noise was? Its coming from that janitors closet
Mike *Opens door*
Zombie: *eating brains* WTF mate?
Mike: This would be a great time to cut the scene!
Script dudes: We agree!
Back at the fountain of pajama hotness:
Ana: Gee, those guys have been gone for a while. I wonder where they are.
Andre: Yo!
Ana: There’s you, where’s Mike?
Andre: Fucked if I know. Hey Irving, watch your back?
Ken: Hey fucker! I told you not to call me that!
Zombie: Yo Irving! Try this “Yaaaaargh”
Ken: *Beats Zombie*
Ana: *Blasts Zombie with shotgun*
Zombie *Thrashes in fountain*
Ana: So where is Mike again?
Script dudes: Yeah, We’re trying to build tension.
Sporting goods…Again.
Mike: *Wrestles with zombie* Man! I wish I still had that knife.
Zombie: Mmmmmmm, Brayons.
Mike: Hey! That shitty mallet that was made of wood broke after I smacked the zombie with it once! Who’d have thunk it?
Audience: *Simultaneous Eye roll*
Mike: Hey! A sharp chunk of mallet handle.
Zombie: Brayons!
Mike: *STAB!*
Zombie *Impaled*
Mike: *Run away*
Elevator:
Mike: Hey everyone! We going upstairs?
Everyone: Yep!
European biatch: Dah!
*Cheery Elevator Music*
Second floor.
Ana: Hey, look, there are some security dudes here with guns. Lets point OUR guns at them and have an unnecessary Mexican standoff.
*Unnecessary Mexican standoff*
CJ: I am the angriest security guard with the biggest moustache and the biggest penis! Give me your guns!
Everyone *Whimper*
CJ: Ok, I'm the big dog. Lets go put signs on the roof.
Ken: If my real name wasn’t Irving, I would SO be the big dog motherfucker!
Roof:
Andre: Wow, these signs that we put up are really really cool. I wonder if anyone will find us.
Mike: Hey, look, there’s a dude on a roof over there. *Waves*
Dude on roof: *waves*
Ken: Hey look. Zombies!
Zombies: Brayons!
CJ: Big dog says its TV time!
TV store: News reader guy: You have to shoot dem zombie bitchez in the head. Then they will die. Remember SHOOT THEM IN THE HEAD.
Terry: Hey? Why is there still a working TV station with zombies everywhere?
CJ: Shut up bitch! For pointing out big plot holes, you must go and lock up our prisoners.
Terry: Is that the right thing to do?
CJ: Shut up fag. Or I'll dunk you in the Mr whippy machine again
Terry: *whimpers*
Furniture store/ prison:
Terry: *locks people up*
Ana: Don’t do that! Its morally wrong!
Terry: Oh no! you appealed to my morals! And I'm the only MORAL security guard
Ana: *Ticked off pajama hotness* Let us out!
Terry: Why!
Ana: Cause its morally right. And I have to pee.
Terry: Ok! *Unlocks people*
Script dudes: We better put in some element of faith here.
Mens room:
Andre: Hey dude. Do you believe in God?
Ken: Yes and no. Want to hear the long version?
Andre: Nope, that will do me.
Script dudes: Deep moral/ethical religious conversation. Check!
Roof:
Ana: Hey. There’s a truck out there!
Ken: Lets rescue those people.
CJ: Hey Irving! Who the fuck is the big dog? That’s right. And I say NO
Ken: That’s It!
Ken *Fucks up CJ*
CJ *Whimper*
Ken: *Locks up CJ and other random guard*
Ana: Yay, we got our guns back! Now lets go rescue them bitches.
Loading dock:
Mike: Ok! We are going to open the door and go outside and save those people!
Andre: What the fuck are you smoking! There are zombies out there!
Mike: I'm opening the door
Andre: Don’t open the door!
Mike: I'm opening the door!
Andre: Don’t open the fucking door!
Mike *Tries to open door*
Door *is locked*
Audience *smacks forehead *
Andre: *unlocks door*
Mike: I'm opening the door.
Andre: Ok, just fucking open it already.
Outside:
Andre/Mike *shoots zombies* Hey, where are those people we were rescuing?
Inside:
Ana: Hey, here are those people we needed to rescue.
People: Yo!
Ana: Where are Andre and Mike?
Back inside:
Andre/Mike: MOTHER FUCKERS!
Ken: I can’t stand around this mall for days! I'm going to go rescue my brother at that fort place with the guns and shit.
Sarcastic prick Steve: Haha *sarcastic comment* everyone there is dead.
Ken: nooooooooooooooooooooo
*Dramatic music*
Ana: I’m a nurse; lets help everyone who is hurt.
Old man Glen: Hey! Help my fat ass pasty and pale bitch of a wife! She got bit by a zombie
Wife: Mmmmm, Pavlova.
Other old dude: Hey, I got bit by a zombie too.
Other old dudes daughter, Nicole: *Cries hotly*
Ana: Oh no you don’t bitch! *More pajama hotness*
Fat bitch: Mmmm, Chips
Fat bitch: *dies*
Ana: Oh no! She’s dead. Well, I’ll just cover her in a sheet and turn around. She won’t become a zombie or anything.
Fat bitch *Zombifies* Mmmmm, Brayons!
Ana: *Stabs fat bitch in face with a lamp.* I guess getting bit was what made her a zombie.
Sarcastic Steve: *sarcastic comment*
Frank (old dude number 2): I got bit too.
Mike: Looks like we have to kill you.
Nicole: *Cries hotly*
Mike: *Ethical dilemma*
Ken: Its ok, I will stand with him with a shotgun till he zombifies then kill him!
Nicole and Frank: *heartfelt father daughter goodbye*
*Everyone leaves*
Frank: *Zombifies*
Ken: *Kills him*
Coffee shop:
Everyone: Well, this shit is boring now.
Ana: *Pajama hotness*
Steve *Sarcastic remark about pajama hotness*
Ana: *Feisty pajama hotness*
Mike: Hey, Ana, we’ve been in a shopping mall with full access to all of the shops for a few days now. Why are you still in your skimpy and bloodstained pajamas?
Ana: Ill change later.
Nick In audience: SCORE!!!!!
Mike: Ok I'm still bored. What will we do?
Script dudes: Video Montage!!!!!
*Shots of everyone, watching movies, playing chess, bonding, having sex, cross dressing, dancing and hitting golf balls at zombies*
Roof:
Sniper boy Andy on gun shop roof: *shoots at celebrity zombies*
Guys on mall roof *Laugh*
Ana: *moral high ground* You dudes are sick!
Steve: *sarcastic comment* If I were a zombie, I’d want you to shoot me
Ana: uh, you know that means that now you are pretty much going to turn into a zombie and get shot by me later on in the movie right?
Steve: Sure, but I'm the sarcastic lazy one. We always die in movies.
Ana: Cool.
Furniture store:
Ana: lets have a formal dinner and discuss life!
Mike: OK!
Power *Goes off*
Ken: Lets go restart the generator!
Mike: Wait a second! This isn’t Jurassic park.
Ritchard Attenbourough: We have a T-Rex!
Samuel L Jackson: Hold onto your butts!
Ken: Die mother fuckers!!!!
*Attenbourough and Jackson die squishily*
Ken: Lets get those security bitches and go to the garage to start the generator.
Security bitches: Fuck!
Ken: Who’s the big dog now?
Parking garage:
*Strange noises*
Soon to be dead security guard: What the fuck was that?
Dog: *woof!*
Soon to be dead security guard: Oh! Its only a dog!
Legless Zombie Hanging from roof: Brayons!!!!!
In the process of becoming dead security guard: Fucking Ouch.
Ken: Hey, while you were busy being eaten, we started the generator again.
Dead Guard: *burble*
Ken and CJ: *Leave*
Mall again:
Nicole: Look! A doggie! I'm going to call him chips!
Ana: Hey, where are Andre and his pregnant Europe bitch? We haven’t seen them for a while.
Norma: I’m old! I want to die! Ill go check!
Satanic zombie birthing room in baby store:
Andre: At some point my bitch got bit, and now she’s going into labor. Can anyone say Zombie baby?
Leda: *Tied to bed!* Aieee!
Andre: It’s a girl!
Norma: WTF? I'm gonna shoot your bitch!
Andre: Shoot my bitch I shoot you!
Norma: Ok! *shoots bitch*
Andre: Beech! I Keeeeeeel you! *shoots Norma*
Norma: Fucking OW! *Shoots Andre*
Everyone else: We heard gunfire. What’s goi….. SWEET MERCIFUL CHRIST CRAP ON A CRUTCH A ZOMBIE BABY!
Mike: *Commits infanticide*
Back at the coffee shop:
Ken: I'm fucking sick of sitting in here.
Mike: Lets turn the two parking shuttles into armored tanks.
Sarcastic Steve: Oh! And drive where? My boat?
Mike: Yep, your boat.
Steve: Jesus H Christ!
Garage:
Mike: *Makes Tank bus*
CJ *Makes weapons*
Nicole *Makes tank busses look prettyful with spray paint*
Terry: *Tries to fuck Nicole*
Ana: *Pajama Hotness!*
Mike: That’s it. Ana, Change your fucking clothes!
Ana: *Sighs*
Mike: I would also like to fuck you
Ana: What?
Mike: I would very much like to fuck you. That’s what you get for walking around in revealing pajamas the whole movie.
Ana: Ok.
Nick in audience: *Cries*
Mike….
Ana….
Mike…
Ana: Oh? You meant now? You realise if I fall in love with you, you have to die?
Mike: That’s not true, that only happens in shitty teen cliché slasher movies.
Ana: Ok, Your life.
Roof:
Ken: Hey, Sniper Andy is hungry, lets send him some food.
CJ: Lets stick it to the dog!
Ken: Ok!
Dog: Crapfuck.
Ken: Ok Chips! Run doggy!
Nicole: Nooooooooo, Chips!
Ken: Nicole, You whine more than that other little white girly bitch I worked with: Tom Cruise, in Mission Impossible.
Steve: Name dropper.
Ken: Oh! I'm sorry, Have any of the rest of you been in… well, anything? Except for this shit zombie movie that I'm only doing to fund my crippling prostitute addiction?
Nicole: *Cries*
Terry: Nicole. I would very much like to sex you.
Nicole: What?
Terry: I said, Chips is going to be fine.
Chips *is fine*
Andy *is not*
Andy (over walkie talkie): ow, Ow, OW! Stop biting me.
Zombies: Mmmm Andy
Ana: Look at the truck!
Nicole *drives truck* Illlll save you Chips!
Everyone: Fucking dumb bitch!
Audience *Facepalm*
Sewers:
Ken: Hey, why didn’t we think of this before?
Terry: *Shrugs*
CJ:….
Script dudes: Hey everyone! Ignore that giant plot hole!
Angry Andy’s Ammo shop of doom:
Ken: Die zombie Andy!
Andy: Brayons?
Ken: *kills*
CJ: Here’s the Doctor Do-little the dog bitch! (How cool is alliteration) Lets go!
Sewer:
Ken: Run! There’s a fuckload of zombies in here!
Fuckload of Zombies: hehehe, suckers. I mean: “BRAYONS!”
Old dude: I keeeel you!
Zombie: *BITE*
Old dude: *Dies*
Mike: Everybody run to the tank busses!
Everyone *Runs to tank busses*
Garage:
*Everyone gets into tank busses*
Ken: DRIVE!
Outside:
Mike: Sweet holy crap! There sure are a fuckload of Zombies out here. Good thing I packed chainsaws.
Chainsaws *Saw*
Zombies next to bus *whimper*
CJ: Too slow, lets do it my way. *Grabs gas bottle*
CJ:*Throws bottle at Zombies. Shoots*
Gas bottle *Explodes with the force of a thermonuclear device*
All zombies in a 2km radius. *Sizzle*
Some random character who only just appeared: Wow, this road is bumpy. What a good time to start a chainsaw!
*Starts chainsaw*
Random *Falls over*
Chainsaw *Saws random chick*
Random chick: Aieeee
Bus *Crashes*
Sarcastic Steve: Ow
Zombie: Yum.
Other bus: Oh no!
Ana: I get to shoot you now Sarcastic Zombie Steve.
Sarcastic Zombie Steve: eep
Ana *Aerates zombie Steve’s skull*
Zombie Crowd: There they are! Get them!
Everyone *runs*
Ana *Gropes zombie Steve’s dead carcass*
Zombies: *Grope Ana*
Nick in audience *Weeps bitterly*
Mike:*saves Ana*
Bus *Drives like shit*
Mike: What the fuck did you feel up dead steve for?
Ana: Jollies.
Mike…
Ana: Oh! And the boat keys.
Marina:
Bus *crashes*
Everyone: *runs for boat*
Zombies *give chase*
CJ: Ill cover you, I was the power hungry asshole, so now I have to die by making the ultimate sacrifice to prove to the audience that I am really and alright kinda guy
Everyone *hides on boat*
CJ: *blows up same size gas canister, which this time produces small fireball*
Mike: Fuck! I was expecting some of that big A bomb shit we got before!
Ana: Come on Mike! Lets go!
Script dudes: Uhm, we’re fucked. We need an emotional heart wrenching conclusion and have 2 minutes of film left. Wait, I know.
Mike: (Serious) I'm sorry Ana, I cant go with you. I got bitten. Back on the street, where I jumped out to save your creepy necrophile ass.
Ana: Really Mike? Noooooooooooooo! Come with us! I can help you!
Mike: (wipes away small tear) Help them.
*Dramatic Swell of music*
Mike: *unties boat and gently pushes it off dock*
Ana: *Cries*
Sun: *sets*
*Even more dramatic swell of music*
Little gnome inside each audience member: That’s my cue!
Little gnome: *Takes out Heart Wrench*
Little gnome: *Tries to use wrench to wrench heart*
Heart *Does not wrench*
Gnome *Swears, Tries again*
Heart: *Does not wrench*
Gnome: Fuck this shit, I'm going home.
Gnome: *goes home*
Mike: *watches boat drift away* (Thinks) So I'm going to become a flesh eating zombie, but at least I got to fuck pajama chick.
Mike *takes out gun*
Fade out.
Gunshot.
Script dudes: Did we have enough boobs and sex in that movie?
Audience: NO!
Script dudes: Ok, here, have some more of both!
Boobs *bounce boobily*
Sex *Sexes*
Movie *goes out on high note*
Fin.
That’s all folks. You all owe me 10 bucks.
Abysinnya!
I was inspired to see how small I could condense the script of zombie movie “Dawn of the Dead” and still maintain ALL of the essential ‘plot points’. Here goes….
Just for the record. Each setting will be in BOLD type. Character dialogue will be follow the name of the character that said it, and character actions will be captured in *little stars*.
Dawn of the Dead.
Some random hospital, Anytown, USA.
Ana (Hot!): Waaah. Waah. Been working for 12 hours, Bitch. Whine. Let me go home! Bitch whine.
Asshole doctor: I’m arranging to play golf tomorrow. You do my work. And cut my milk!
Ana: *Sighs*
Ana: *Gives doctors work to someone else*
Random nurse: Hey! That guy you were looking for is up in ICU.
Ana: For a bite? Weird. Oh well, Ill be leaving now.
Ana: *leaves*
Driveway of some random hospital, Anytown, USA.
Ana: Holy crap! That guy looks like he is dead! Ohmygodohmygod!
Random extra: Haha! You thought I was dead! I was just lying with my legs dangling out the back of my ambulance to scare you and the audience!
Audience *Is not scared*
Random street, Suburbia
Ana *listens to crap on the radio*
Ana: Hello little neighbour girl who is bound to be relevant to the “story” later.
Girl: Hi Ana! Watch me do something cute to make my inevitable death later more tragic!
Ana: *Watches*
Ana’s house.
Ana: Hello husband!
Husband: Hello wife! I was waiting for you! Would you like to engage in a completely random and unexpected sex scene in a shower?
Ana: Sure.
Husband: Scoooooooooooore!
Husband *scores*
*Gratuitous shower sex scene*
Ana *Jizm!* *Orgasmos!*
Scriptwriters: Did we remember to include something relating to the zombie crisis?
*TV in foreground flashes “Special News service bulletin”
Scriptwriters: Mission accomplished!
Audience: Can we see some zombies now?
Scriptwriters: eh, its been 10 minutes, what the hey?
Next morning: Ana’s house.
Ana: *Snore*
Husband: *Wakes up*
Husband: Hey, there is a little neighbour girl standing in our bedroom door staring at me and my hot naked wife. That’s not odd. Lets walk up to her and give her a hug.
Little girl: *looks like she just finished filming “The Ring”*
Husband: *hugs zombie girl*
Zombie girl: GRR WOOF! *snarl*
Husband: Aieee My throat my beautiful throat! *locks zombie girl out*
*blood sprays everywhere*
Ana: Holy Crap! Husband! And Zombie Girl! Aieee!
Ana: *Dials 911* “Here husband, this pitiful dishcloth will staunch the bleeding of your torn jugular!”
Husband: *burble*
Ana: I’m a nurse! Here, let me push that bloody dishrag further into your throat
Husband: *dies*
Ana: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Zombie Husband: *Sits back up*
Ana: I’m a nurse! Him coming back to life is not possible or even logical. But I will go and give him a hug anyway!
Zombie husband: *Grr Roof!
Ana: Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeee! *runs for bathroom*
Zombie Husband: *bashes on door*
*Bashing stops*
Ana: Maybe he got better! *Opens door*
Zombie husband *Snarl!*
Ana: *jumps out window. Gets in car. Drives around. Looks out window at chaos*
Chaos: * Chaotic*
Audience: Can we have some more violence please?
Chaos: *Random violence ensues*
Scriptwriters: Wait, we didn’t script in a pause for the credits sequence and we are already too far into the movie.
Ana: *Crashes car for no reason.*
Ana: Couldn’t you have run the credits while I was conscious?
Scriptwriters: No
Ana: *Unconscious*
Credits roll: Montage of news stories and official looking interviews with army guys talking about zombies. Clips of zombies eating people.
Somewhere off the interstate,
Ana*Wakes up*
Ving Rhames appears with shotgun. Character name: Kenneth
Ken: Who wants a body massage?
Ana: Please save my pajama-clad hotness from the evil zombies!
Ken: Yuh! Ok! Lets go!
Ana: Where are we going?
Ken: There is some random military fort that way; they have guns and nice people! They’ll help us!
Ana: Ok.
Under a bridge, Somewhere.
Ana: Hey look, more people who aren’t zombies!
More people: Yay. More non-zombies
Ken: Who wants a body massage?
Mike: Hi! My name is Mike!
Andre: Hi! My name is Andre!
Luda: Hi! My name is Luda!
Ken: My real name is Irving, but Ving sounds so much more hardcore. Call me Irving and I keel you!
Ana: *Pajama Hotness*
Screenwriters: Lets see, all minority groups spoken for; We have 2 black people, one (now single) white female, one white guy and a pregnant European woman. Wait! We don’t have any old people yet….
Ken: We’re going to the random fort with guns and people? Wanna come?
Mike: Bullshit! Don’t do that. We just came from there.
Andre: Back when there were 8 of us
Ana:…
Ken: …
Mike: …
Luda: I like Europe.
Ken: Was that pause long and ominous enough?
Screenwriters: Uh, Yes. Move on.
Mike: Lets walk up this small hill. Look! A shopping mall.
Inside random shopping mall.
Ana: Look, lets sit in front of this giant glass picture window next to a fountain to rest. *Pajama Hotness!*
Andre: I'm going to look around.
Mike: Me too.
Sports store, Shopping mall.
Mike: Hey look, a sports store. Let me find a better weapon than this shitty metal dagger. Look a wooden croquet mallet!
Audience: *groans*
Somewhere in the mall
Andre: Doo de doo. Hey look, another big glass door. I'm going to lean real close and see what happens.
Audience *groans*
Zombie *bangs up against glass*
Zombie: I eeet your brayon beetch!
Andre: Bullet proof glass fucker! Bye!
Zombie: *Blowfish on window*
Back in the sports store of certain death
Mike: This flimsy wooden mallet will make a bitchass weapon compared to the spear guns and metal baseball bats I can see.
*Creepy Noise*
Mike: Gee I wonder what that creepy noise was? Its coming from that janitors closet
Mike *Opens door*
Zombie: *eating brains* WTF mate?
Mike: This would be a great time to cut the scene!
Script dudes: We agree!
Back at the fountain of pajama hotness:
Ana: Gee, those guys have been gone for a while. I wonder where they are.
Andre: Yo!
Ana: There’s you, where’s Mike?
Andre: Fucked if I know. Hey Irving, watch your back?
Ken: Hey fucker! I told you not to call me that!
Zombie: Yo Irving! Try this “Yaaaaargh”
Ken: *Beats Zombie*
Ana: *Blasts Zombie with shotgun*
Zombie *Thrashes in fountain*
Ana: So where is Mike again?
Script dudes: Yeah, We’re trying to build tension.
Sporting goods…Again.
Mike: *Wrestles with zombie* Man! I wish I still had that knife.
Zombie: Mmmmmmm, Brayons.
Mike: Hey! That shitty mallet that was made of wood broke after I smacked the zombie with it once! Who’d have thunk it?
Audience: *Simultaneous Eye roll*
Mike: Hey! A sharp chunk of mallet handle.
Zombie: Brayons!
Mike: *STAB!*
Zombie *Impaled*
Mike: *Run away*
Elevator:
Mike: Hey everyone! We going upstairs?
Everyone: Yep!
European biatch: Dah!
*Cheery Elevator Music*
Second floor.
Ana: Hey, look, there are some security dudes here with guns. Lets point OUR guns at them and have an unnecessary Mexican standoff.
*Unnecessary Mexican standoff*
CJ: I am the angriest security guard with the biggest moustache and the biggest penis! Give me your guns!
Everyone *Whimper*
CJ: Ok, I'm the big dog. Lets go put signs on the roof.
Ken: If my real name wasn’t Irving, I would SO be the big dog motherfucker!
Roof:
Andre: Wow, these signs that we put up are really really cool. I wonder if anyone will find us.
Mike: Hey, look, there’s a dude on a roof over there. *Waves*
Dude on roof: *waves*
Ken: Hey look. Zombies!
Zombies: Brayons!
CJ: Big dog says its TV time!
TV store: News reader guy: You have to shoot dem zombie bitchez in the head. Then they will die. Remember SHOOT THEM IN THE HEAD.
Terry: Hey? Why is there still a working TV station with zombies everywhere?
CJ: Shut up bitch! For pointing out big plot holes, you must go and lock up our prisoners.
Terry: Is that the right thing to do?
CJ: Shut up fag. Or I'll dunk you in the Mr whippy machine again
Terry: *whimpers*
Furniture store/ prison:
Terry: *locks people up*
Ana: Don’t do that! Its morally wrong!
Terry: Oh no! you appealed to my morals! And I'm the only MORAL security guard
Ana: *Ticked off pajama hotness* Let us out!
Terry: Why!
Ana: Cause its morally right. And I have to pee.
Terry: Ok! *Unlocks people*
Script dudes: We better put in some element of faith here.
Mens room:
Andre: Hey dude. Do you believe in God?
Ken: Yes and no. Want to hear the long version?
Andre: Nope, that will do me.
Script dudes: Deep moral/ethical religious conversation. Check!
Roof:
Ana: Hey. There’s a truck out there!
Ken: Lets rescue those people.
CJ: Hey Irving! Who the fuck is the big dog? That’s right. And I say NO
Ken: That’s It!
Ken *Fucks up CJ*
CJ *Whimper*
Ken: *Locks up CJ and other random guard*
Ana: Yay, we got our guns back! Now lets go rescue them bitches.
Loading dock:
Mike: Ok! We are going to open the door and go outside and save those people!
Andre: What the fuck are you smoking! There are zombies out there!
Mike: I'm opening the door
Andre: Don’t open the door!
Mike: I'm opening the door!
Andre: Don’t open the fucking door!
Mike *Tries to open door*
Door *is locked*
Audience *smacks forehead *
Andre: *unlocks door*
Mike: I'm opening the door.
Andre: Ok, just fucking open it already.
Outside:
Andre/Mike *shoots zombies* Hey, where are those people we were rescuing?
Inside:
Ana: Hey, here are those people we needed to rescue.
People: Yo!
Ana: Where are Andre and Mike?
Back inside:
Andre/Mike: MOTHER FUCKERS!
Ken: I can’t stand around this mall for days! I'm going to go rescue my brother at that fort place with the guns and shit.
Sarcastic prick Steve: Haha *sarcastic comment* everyone there is dead.
Ken: nooooooooooooooooooooo
*Dramatic music*
Ana: I’m a nurse; lets help everyone who is hurt.
Old man Glen: Hey! Help my fat ass pasty and pale bitch of a wife! She got bit by a zombie
Wife: Mmmmm, Pavlova.
Other old dude: Hey, I got bit by a zombie too.
Other old dudes daughter, Nicole: *Cries hotly*
Ana: Oh no you don’t bitch! *More pajama hotness*
Fat bitch: Mmmm, Chips
Fat bitch: *dies*
Ana: Oh no! She’s dead. Well, I’ll just cover her in a sheet and turn around. She won’t become a zombie or anything.
Fat bitch *Zombifies* Mmmmm, Brayons!
Ana: *Stabs fat bitch in face with a lamp.* I guess getting bit was what made her a zombie.
Sarcastic Steve: *sarcastic comment*
Frank (old dude number 2): I got bit too.
Mike: Looks like we have to kill you.
Nicole: *Cries hotly*
Mike: *Ethical dilemma*
Ken: Its ok, I will stand with him with a shotgun till he zombifies then kill him!
Nicole and Frank: *heartfelt father daughter goodbye*
*Everyone leaves*
Frank: *Zombifies*
Ken: *Kills him*
Coffee shop:
Everyone: Well, this shit is boring now.
Ana: *Pajama hotness*
Steve *Sarcastic remark about pajama hotness*
Ana: *Feisty pajama hotness*
Mike: Hey, Ana, we’ve been in a shopping mall with full access to all of the shops for a few days now. Why are you still in your skimpy and bloodstained pajamas?
Ana: Ill change later.
Nick In audience: SCORE!!!!!
Mike: Ok I'm still bored. What will we do?
Script dudes: Video Montage!!!!!
*Shots of everyone, watching movies, playing chess, bonding, having sex, cross dressing, dancing and hitting golf balls at zombies*
Roof:
Sniper boy Andy on gun shop roof: *shoots at celebrity zombies*
Guys on mall roof *Laugh*
Ana: *moral high ground* You dudes are sick!
Steve: *sarcastic comment* If I were a zombie, I’d want you to shoot me
Ana: uh, you know that means that now you are pretty much going to turn into a zombie and get shot by me later on in the movie right?
Steve: Sure, but I'm the sarcastic lazy one. We always die in movies.
Ana: Cool.
Furniture store:
Ana: lets have a formal dinner and discuss life!
Mike: OK!
Power *Goes off*
Ken: Lets go restart the generator!
Mike: Wait a second! This isn’t Jurassic park.
Ritchard Attenbourough: We have a T-Rex!
Samuel L Jackson: Hold onto your butts!
Ken: Die mother fuckers!!!!
*Attenbourough and Jackson die squishily*
Ken: Lets get those security bitches and go to the garage to start the generator.
Security bitches: Fuck!
Ken: Who’s the big dog now?
Parking garage:
*Strange noises*
Soon to be dead security guard: What the fuck was that?
Dog: *woof!*
Soon to be dead security guard: Oh! Its only a dog!
Legless Zombie Hanging from roof: Brayons!!!!!
In the process of becoming dead security guard: Fucking Ouch.
Ken: Hey, while you were busy being eaten, we started the generator again.
Dead Guard: *burble*
Ken and CJ: *Leave*
Mall again:
Nicole: Look! A doggie! I'm going to call him chips!
Ana: Hey, where are Andre and his pregnant Europe bitch? We haven’t seen them for a while.
Norma: I’m old! I want to die! Ill go check!
Satanic zombie birthing room in baby store:
Andre: At some point my bitch got bit, and now she’s going into labor. Can anyone say Zombie baby?
Leda: *Tied to bed!* Aieee!
Andre: It’s a girl!
Norma: WTF? I'm gonna shoot your bitch!
Andre: Shoot my bitch I shoot you!
Norma: Ok! *shoots bitch*
Andre: Beech! I Keeeeeeel you! *shoots Norma*
Norma: Fucking OW! *Shoots Andre*
Everyone else: We heard gunfire. What’s goi….. SWEET MERCIFUL CHRIST CRAP ON A CRUTCH A ZOMBIE BABY!
Mike: *Commits infanticide*
Back at the coffee shop:
Ken: I'm fucking sick of sitting in here.
Mike: Lets turn the two parking shuttles into armored tanks.
Sarcastic Steve: Oh! And drive where? My boat?
Mike: Yep, your boat.
Steve: Jesus H Christ!
Garage:
Mike: *Makes Tank bus*
CJ *Makes weapons*
Nicole *Makes tank busses look prettyful with spray paint*
Terry: *Tries to fuck Nicole*
Ana: *Pajama Hotness!*
Mike: That’s it. Ana, Change your fucking clothes!
Ana: *Sighs*
Mike: I would also like to fuck you
Ana: What?
Mike: I would very much like to fuck you. That’s what you get for walking around in revealing pajamas the whole movie.
Ana: Ok.
Nick in audience: *Cries*
Mike….
Ana….
Mike…
Ana: Oh? You meant now? You realise if I fall in love with you, you have to die?
Mike: That’s not true, that only happens in shitty teen cliché slasher movies.
Ana: Ok, Your life.
Roof:
Ken: Hey, Sniper Andy is hungry, lets send him some food.
CJ: Lets stick it to the dog!
Ken: Ok!
Dog: Crapfuck.
Ken: Ok Chips! Run doggy!
Nicole: Nooooooooo, Chips!
Ken: Nicole, You whine more than that other little white girly bitch I worked with: Tom Cruise, in Mission Impossible.
Steve: Name dropper.
Ken: Oh! I'm sorry, Have any of the rest of you been in… well, anything? Except for this shit zombie movie that I'm only doing to fund my crippling prostitute addiction?
Nicole: *Cries*
Terry: Nicole. I would very much like to sex you.
Nicole: What?
Terry: I said, Chips is going to be fine.
Chips *is fine*
Andy *is not*
Andy (over walkie talkie): ow, Ow, OW! Stop biting me.
Zombies: Mmmm Andy
Ana: Look at the truck!
Nicole *drives truck* Illlll save you Chips!
Everyone: Fucking dumb bitch!
Audience *Facepalm*
Sewers:
Ken: Hey, why didn’t we think of this before?
Terry: *Shrugs*
CJ:….
Script dudes: Hey everyone! Ignore that giant plot hole!
Angry Andy’s Ammo shop of doom:
Ken: Die zombie Andy!
Andy: Brayons?
Ken: *kills*
CJ: Here’s the Doctor Do-little the dog bitch! (How cool is alliteration) Lets go!
Sewer:
Ken: Run! There’s a fuckload of zombies in here!
Fuckload of Zombies: hehehe, suckers. I mean: “BRAYONS!”
Old dude: I keeeel you!
Zombie: *BITE*
Old dude: *Dies*
Mike: Everybody run to the tank busses!
Everyone *Runs to tank busses*
Garage:
*Everyone gets into tank busses*
Ken: DRIVE!
Outside:
Mike: Sweet holy crap! There sure are a fuckload of Zombies out here. Good thing I packed chainsaws.
Chainsaws *Saw*
Zombies next to bus *whimper*
CJ: Too slow, lets do it my way. *Grabs gas bottle*
CJ:*Throws bottle at Zombies. Shoots*
Gas bottle *Explodes with the force of a thermonuclear device*
All zombies in a 2km radius. *Sizzle*
Some random character who only just appeared: Wow, this road is bumpy. What a good time to start a chainsaw!
*Starts chainsaw*
Random *Falls over*
Chainsaw *Saws random chick*
Random chick: Aieeee
Bus *Crashes*
Sarcastic Steve: Ow
Zombie: Yum.
Other bus: Oh no!
Ana: I get to shoot you now Sarcastic Zombie Steve.
Sarcastic Zombie Steve: eep
Ana *Aerates zombie Steve’s skull*
Zombie Crowd: There they are! Get them!
Everyone *runs*
Ana *Gropes zombie Steve’s dead carcass*
Zombies: *Grope Ana*
Nick in audience *Weeps bitterly*
Mike:*saves Ana*
Bus *Drives like shit*
Mike: What the fuck did you feel up dead steve for?
Ana: Jollies.
Mike…
Ana: Oh! And the boat keys.
Marina:
Bus *crashes*
Everyone: *runs for boat*
Zombies *give chase*
CJ: Ill cover you, I was the power hungry asshole, so now I have to die by making the ultimate sacrifice to prove to the audience that I am really and alright kinda guy
Everyone *hides on boat*
CJ: *blows up same size gas canister, which this time produces small fireball*
Mike: Fuck! I was expecting some of that big A bomb shit we got before!
Ana: Come on Mike! Lets go!
Script dudes: Uhm, we’re fucked. We need an emotional heart wrenching conclusion and have 2 minutes of film left. Wait, I know.
Mike: (Serious) I'm sorry Ana, I cant go with you. I got bitten. Back on the street, where I jumped out to save your creepy necrophile ass.
Ana: Really Mike? Noooooooooooooo! Come with us! I can help you!
Mike: (wipes away small tear) Help them.
*Dramatic Swell of music*
Mike: *unties boat and gently pushes it off dock*
Ana: *Cries*
Sun: *sets*
*Even more dramatic swell of music*
Little gnome inside each audience member: That’s my cue!
Little gnome: *Takes out Heart Wrench*
Little gnome: *Tries to use wrench to wrench heart*
Heart *Does not wrench*
Gnome *Swears, Tries again*
Heart: *Does not wrench*
Gnome: Fuck this shit, I'm going home.
Gnome: *goes home*
Mike: *watches boat drift away* (Thinks) So I'm going to become a flesh eating zombie, but at least I got to fuck pajama chick.
Mike *takes out gun*
Fade out.
Gunshot.
Script dudes: Did we have enough boobs and sex in that movie?
Audience: NO!
Script dudes: Ok, here, have some more of both!
Boobs *bounce boobily*
Sex *Sexes*
Movie *goes out on high note*
Fin.
That’s all folks. You all owe me 10 bucks.
Abysinnya!
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Muck, Drinking muck!
One down, two to go.
Chemistry exam today, and in the tradition of multiple choice exams, I have no idea how I went. There were multiple easy questions, that I probably could have answered back in Year Nine. (eg: The last group on the periodic table is the... (remember it was multiple choice, anyone want to phone a friend?).
Also, with the tradition of multiple choice, there is a formula to the answers. You will find that there is normally:
- One (1) Correct response
- One (1) (or two (2)) answers that are reasonably close to the correct answer (Maybe a sig. fig. or two out)
- One (1) answer that is the opposite of the actual answer (Say you multiplied instead of dividing, or made your answer negative instead of positive)
and of course
- One (1) complete Jackass answer that you wouldn't ever choose unless you are a complete and total retard who knows absolutely fuck all on the subject.
Note the example:
Four plus one equals…
a) 5.0
b) 4.90
c) 5.10
d) 4.0
e) Jello
Now sometimes, there are jackass answers that aren’t THAT obvious, they are just somewhat far fetched, (i.e: all the other answers were down around 500, and one was at 2000, that would probably be the jackass one.) However, in this exam, the jackass answer would be mondo obvious. Like in one question, about adding acid to neutralize a certain amount of base, there were 4 options, each less than 5 litres, and the last one, which said, “You don’t have enough acid, go to the store and buy more acid”.
Sorry, to a chem nerd like me, that was funny. Made for an enjoyable exam.
That’s pretty much all I have to say about that right now. Australian love is being spread round the globe for the good of international relations. (There’s a double entendre there for those who missed it)
You might get another post out of me tonight if you are lucky.
See you round.
One down, two to go.
Chemistry exam today, and in the tradition of multiple choice exams, I have no idea how I went. There were multiple easy questions, that I probably could have answered back in Year Nine. (eg: The last group on the periodic table is the... (remember it was multiple choice, anyone want to phone a friend?).
Also, with the tradition of multiple choice, there is a formula to the answers. You will find that there is normally:
- One (1) Correct response
- One (1) (or two (2)) answers that are reasonably close to the correct answer (Maybe a sig. fig. or two out)
- One (1) answer that is the opposite of the actual answer (Say you multiplied instead of dividing, or made your answer negative instead of positive)
and of course
- One (1) complete Jackass answer that you wouldn't ever choose unless you are a complete and total retard who knows absolutely fuck all on the subject.
Note the example:
Four plus one equals…
a) 5.0
b) 4.90
c) 5.10
d) 4.0
e) Jello
Now sometimes, there are jackass answers that aren’t THAT obvious, they are just somewhat far fetched, (i.e: all the other answers were down around 500, and one was at 2000, that would probably be the jackass one.) However, in this exam, the jackass answer would be mondo obvious. Like in one question, about adding acid to neutralize a certain amount of base, there were 4 options, each less than 5 litres, and the last one, which said, “You don’t have enough acid, go to the store and buy more acid”.
Sorry, to a chem nerd like me, that was funny. Made for an enjoyable exam.
That’s pretty much all I have to say about that right now. Australian love is being spread round the globe for the good of international relations. (There’s a double entendre there for those who missed it)
You might get another post out of me tonight if you are lucky.
See you round.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
"Squozen, Frozen, Duplicated, Drunk in a bar"
It's kind of creepy when you find out that you are linked to people you never ever knew about. And you are the ONLY link on their site. And they say some depressing psudo-suicidal shit.
Odd?
Mmmmmmm Yes!
It's kind of creepy when you find out that you are linked to people you never ever knew about. And you are the ONLY link on their site. And they say some depressing psudo-suicidal shit.
Odd?
Mmmmmmm Yes!
Earwax and sea water?
Remember the old adage “Is the glass half empty or half full?” People’s responses change depending on whether they are optimistic or pessimistic, but upbringing and chosen field also come into it.
These are the responses of the following people when given a half full glass, based on their degrees or chosen career.
Sean: (Environmental engineering and economics): You have twice as much glass as you need there. WASTE!
Dale: (International Studies): A toast! If you drink it, it will be good for our economy and will ensure positive international relations from now on.
Sonya: (Dental Assistantry (?)): Gargle, spit, rinse!
Daw: (Education): Ok you retards. Let me teach you how to fill it properly.
Mason: (Medicine): Thankyou sir. That’s plenty.
Nick: (Forensic and Analytical Chemistry): Give me a second to swab for epithelials and dust for prints.
Tim: (Town Planning): This area isn’t zoned for pubs and clubs!
Ben: (Checkout chick): Price check: Glass tumbler? $1.89
Wizza: (Physio): Physio! Physio! Can I massage that for you? PHYSIO!
Sam: (Aerospace Engie): IT’S LIKE THE MATRIX!
Betty: (Mechatronic Engie): pfft. You can get robots to fill glasses all the way.
Julia: (Psychology): Do you think the glass is half empty? Or half full? Now how do you FEEL about the glass?
Marty: (Mechanical engineering and finance): I think you will find it is more cost effective if you fill it to three quarters, then drink the excess.
Emma: (On French exchange):Qui s'inquiète du verre ? Nous sommes français ! Vive la France! Va te faire foutre Américains !
Hannah: (Brazil on exchange): Who cares? As long as there’s no hair on it!
Random arts student: Who cares? As long as there aren’t any cigarette butts floating in it, I’ll drink it.
Law students: You can’t prove if it’s half empty or half full! OBJECTION!
Flinders law students: No thanks, Ill take a decaf soy mocha chino with two sugars.
George Lucas: You call that a glass?! Come down to industrial light and magic! Ill show you a glass!
I'm going to anticipate your question and just say “yes, I was very bored”
Remember the old adage “Is the glass half empty or half full?” People’s responses change depending on whether they are optimistic or pessimistic, but upbringing and chosen field also come into it.
These are the responses of the following people when given a half full glass, based on their degrees or chosen career.
Sean: (Environmental engineering and economics): You have twice as much glass as you need there. WASTE!
Dale: (International Studies): A toast! If you drink it, it will be good for our economy and will ensure positive international relations from now on.
Sonya: (Dental Assistantry (?)): Gargle, spit, rinse!
Daw: (Education): Ok you retards. Let me teach you how to fill it properly.
Mason: (Medicine): Thankyou sir. That’s plenty.
Nick: (Forensic and Analytical Chemistry): Give me a second to swab for epithelials and dust for prints.
Tim: (Town Planning): This area isn’t zoned for pubs and clubs!
Ben: (Checkout chick): Price check: Glass tumbler? $1.89
Wizza: (Physio): Physio! Physio! Can I massage that for you? PHYSIO!
Sam: (Aerospace Engie): IT’S LIKE THE MATRIX!
Betty: (Mechatronic Engie): pfft. You can get robots to fill glasses all the way.
Julia: (Psychology): Do you think the glass is half empty? Or half full? Now how do you FEEL about the glass?
Marty: (Mechanical engineering and finance): I think you will find it is more cost effective if you fill it to three quarters, then drink the excess.
Emma: (On French exchange):Qui s'inquiète du verre ? Nous sommes français ! Vive la France! Va te faire foutre Américains !
Hannah: (Brazil on exchange): Who cares? As long as there’s no hair on it!
Random arts student: Who cares? As long as there aren’t any cigarette butts floating in it, I’ll drink it.
Law students: You can’t prove if it’s half empty or half full! OBJECTION!
Flinders law students: No thanks, Ill take a decaf soy mocha chino with two sugars.
George Lucas: You call that a glass?! Come down to industrial light and magic! Ill show you a glass!
I'm going to anticipate your question and just say “yes, I was very bored”
Monday, June 21, 2004
Hearing voices telling me that, I should get some sleep because tomorrow might be good for something.
If insomnia was some sort of disease that you could inflict upon people willy nilly, or that you could catch, like the flu; I could think of no greater punishment. Imagine it. Instead of sentencing someone to death, you can sentence them to Insomnia. NO SLEEP FOR YOU! You could keep prisoners and terrorist suspects in brightly lit rooms, with loud noise, caffine IV's and small gnomes to poke them with sticks so they can never fall asleep.
So, anyway, besides my 2 whole hours of sleep last night, today was full of chem study and MASH reruns. Sounds like your average day in the life of Nick.
Also, on the subject of chemistry; the position of hot water bottle for insomniac student on holiday is available. No experience nessesary, all serious applicants will be considered.
By the way, when my exams are over on July the 3rd, I'm going to get drunk for 2 weeks, sober up, then get drunk for a month again. Anybody want to join me?
Also today, HOLY CRAP!Breakdancing Transformers!!!
Thats all from my immensely interesting life of study right now.
See you in the funny pages.
Abysinnya.
If insomnia was some sort of disease that you could inflict upon people willy nilly, or that you could catch, like the flu; I could think of no greater punishment. Imagine it. Instead of sentencing someone to death, you can sentence them to Insomnia. NO SLEEP FOR YOU! You could keep prisoners and terrorist suspects in brightly lit rooms, with loud noise, caffine IV's and small gnomes to poke them with sticks so they can never fall asleep.
So, anyway, besides my 2 whole hours of sleep last night, today was full of chem study and MASH reruns. Sounds like your average day in the life of Nick.
Also, on the subject of chemistry; the position of hot water bottle for insomniac student on holiday is available. No experience nessesary, all serious applicants will be considered.
By the way, when my exams are over on July the 3rd, I'm going to get drunk for 2 weeks, sober up, then get drunk for a month again. Anybody want to join me?
Also today, HOLY CRAP!Breakdancing Transformers!!!
Thats all from my immensely interesting life of study right now.
See you in the funny pages.
Abysinnya.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Badabada bada bada bum ba dum ba dum
Hear hear!
Have I mentioned lately how much I FUCKING HATE STUDYING?
Chemistry 23rd. Maths 28th. Biology 3rd.
Now, Thats how long you can expect me to be certifiably insane.
THAT FUCKING BIO EXAM SCREWED ME OUT OF SKULLDUGGERY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
You will also notice that I kept my promise, and posted for a week. The rest of you can just get your bloody act together.
Grrr Woof!
Hear hear!
Have I mentioned lately how much I FUCKING HATE STUDYING?
Chemistry 23rd. Maths 28th. Biology 3rd.
Now, Thats how long you can expect me to be certifiably insane.
THAT FUCKING BIO EXAM SCREWED ME OUT OF SKULLDUGGERY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
You will also notice that I kept my promise, and posted for a week. The rest of you can just get your bloody act together.
Grrr Woof!
Saturday, June 19, 2004
Angry Alpabet Collections
Yesterday, I bought 2 instant scratchies with money from my "SHRAPNEL FILLED BEER GLASS OF DOOM (tm)", anyway, with said scratchies, I won about 3 bucks. Today, while I was shopping with my Ma to get my Pa a 50th Birthday present (the old man turns one year older on Thursday), I cashed in, and got another "Crossword" $3 scratchie. About a half hour later, I was looking at 6 complete words, and a $40 prize for my efforts. I was like "Damn, thats the biggest damn instant scratchie win I have EVER had!" So, I took it to the newsagent and discovered that I was wrong, and was horribly screwed out of my $40 prize.
There was a letter that I hadn't scratched off. So instead of my 6 word; $40 dollar prize, I was looking at a 7 word $100 prize.
Thats right bitchfaces. I wone $100 on an instant scratchie. Biggest win ever.
And you sluts keep telling me they are a waste of money!
I have $100 dollars that says other wise (Yes, I realise its like 96 dollars when you count the initial money I spent, but who gives a fuck.)
You STINK!
Abysinnya
Yesterday, I bought 2 instant scratchies with money from my "SHRAPNEL FILLED BEER GLASS OF DOOM (tm)", anyway, with said scratchies, I won about 3 bucks. Today, while I was shopping with my Ma to get my Pa a 50th Birthday present (the old man turns one year older on Thursday), I cashed in, and got another "Crossword" $3 scratchie. About a half hour later, I was looking at 6 complete words, and a $40 prize for my efforts. I was like "Damn, thats the biggest damn instant scratchie win I have EVER had!" So, I took it to the newsagent and discovered that I was wrong, and was horribly screwed out of my $40 prize.
There was a letter that I hadn't scratched off. So instead of my 6 word; $40 dollar prize, I was looking at a 7 word $100 prize.
Thats right bitchfaces. I wone $100 on an instant scratchie. Biggest win ever.
And you sluts keep telling me they are a waste of money!
I have $100 dollars that says other wise (Yes, I realise its like 96 dollars when you count the initial money I spent, but who gives a fuck.)
You STINK!
Abysinnya
We're back online after Blogger pulled one of its "Yes, thats a lovely post, but we arent going to post it" moods for me yesterday.
Longer Letter Later.
DIC!
Longer Letter Later.
DIC!
Friday, June 18, 2004
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Crabapple cove with a crispy brown crust. Split Screen Sadness.
I have absolutely NOTHING to say. Like literally nothing. If I had any more nothing to say, you would just be staring at a blank entry under the heading "Thursday"
*Witness Nick, groping about for things to say in the dark*
Sometimes I wish that I could bitch and whine about people here on my blog. But almost everyone I would ever have cause to bitch and whine about actually READS the damn thing, so that makes it somewhat counter productive. Though, at least I'm actually posting, which makes you poor saps out there who are doing a round of the blogs, looking for something interesting to read actually read this pathetic pile of crap that is spewing forth from my brain by way of my fingers and out onto your screen in internet land.
By the way, people using tag boards to make comments about other people using a psudonym is MONDO UNCOOL! Cut it out! Are you poor? You look poor! Now beat it flaps!
I have SO much fucking biology to do its insane. Not to mention the Maths I have to somehow pull out of my anus to get a passing grade.
Is there a bad kind of sticky? Scratch that, Is there a GOOD kind of sticky?
I think this is one of the more random things I have ever seen.
Crazy Random Shit: AKA the Moon Song
If you can watch that and not chuckle and go WTF? Then I take my hat off to you
Right now, My eyes are sending me urgent rest telegrams, and keep slamming shut for some reason.
See you in the funny pages.
Abysinnya.
I have absolutely NOTHING to say. Like literally nothing. If I had any more nothing to say, you would just be staring at a blank entry under the heading "Thursday"
*Witness Nick, groping about for things to say in the dark*
Sometimes I wish that I could bitch and whine about people here on my blog. But almost everyone I would ever have cause to bitch and whine about actually READS the damn thing, so that makes it somewhat counter productive. Though, at least I'm actually posting, which makes you poor saps out there who are doing a round of the blogs, looking for something interesting to read actually read this pathetic pile of crap that is spewing forth from my brain by way of my fingers and out onto your screen in internet land.
By the way, people using tag boards to make comments about other people using a psudonym is MONDO UNCOOL! Cut it out! Are you poor? You look poor! Now beat it flaps!
I have SO much fucking biology to do its insane. Not to mention the Maths I have to somehow pull out of my anus to get a passing grade.
Is there a bad kind of sticky? Scratch that, Is there a GOOD kind of sticky?
I think this is one of the more random things I have ever seen.
Crazy Random Shit: AKA the Moon Song
If you can watch that and not chuckle and go WTF? Then I take my hat off to you
Right now, My eyes are sending me urgent rest telegrams, and keep slamming shut for some reason.
See you in the funny pages.
Abysinnya.
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Well, It's Wednesday
Yep, and I feel like I've done nothing all week. I lost two days! Someone owes me a Monday and a Tuesday, or at least two Thursdays to make up for it. One Friday would even do it.
Is your first initial thought of as your initial initial? I'd like to think so.
I spent most of my morning watching M*A*S*H while studying chemistry. I hate studying chemistry. The examiner always seems to write the paper with specifically what I didn't study in mind. No doubt this is what will happen again.
If letters in Jesus' time were called "Epistles" does that mean that part of the Bible is made up of Epistles from Apostles?
I'm bored shitless spending every day sitting around the house studying, and I swear that I am starting to go out of my mind. Stir fry crazy, thats what it is. Dutchy is in love with a Dutch soccer player, which in itself isn't surprising, but I can't take him anywhere. He also informs me that the German soccer team is called "die deutche mannschaft", which to me sounds kind of dirty. But then again, I'm not a German.
(I love you Germans by the way. Some of my best friends are Germans. Please don't hurt me.)
(Sp)liz stole some stuff from my blog, but she credited me, so all is well in Funky town. I know, because I am the Mayor. Everything I touch turns to funk.
If you're a bad devil worshipper, or a good devil worshipper, whichever is worse to devil worshippers, (I assume that being good would make one a bad devil worshipper (in the sense that you are bad at worshipping the devil) whereas being bad would make one a good devil worshipper, but go with me here.) If you are such a person, do you go to Heaven? In the same way that bad Christians go to hell and good Christians go to heaven (and atheists spend their lives in Tasmania on holiday with a group of Germans)
*No! I love you guys! Really I do*
Hell, I have nothing more to say. In this one post I have offended zee Germans twice for no good reason, and am expecting big men in trenchcoats at the door any second saying
"Coom Viz me into ze Forezt Litte boy, I giv you strudel!"
*Shudder* Strudel
On that note, wind up the rubber band on the plane, cause I'm outta here.
If you don't hear from me in the next 24 hours, I'm either sleeping or dead. If I smell bad, it's probably not sleeping, call a doctor.
Abysinnya
Yep, and I feel like I've done nothing all week. I lost two days! Someone owes me a Monday and a Tuesday, or at least two Thursdays to make up for it. One Friday would even do it.
Is your first initial thought of as your initial initial? I'd like to think so.
I spent most of my morning watching M*A*S*H while studying chemistry. I hate studying chemistry. The examiner always seems to write the paper with specifically what I didn't study in mind. No doubt this is what will happen again.
If letters in Jesus' time were called "Epistles" does that mean that part of the Bible is made up of Epistles from Apostles?
I'm bored shitless spending every day sitting around the house studying, and I swear that I am starting to go out of my mind. Stir fry crazy, thats what it is. Dutchy is in love with a Dutch soccer player, which in itself isn't surprising, but I can't take him anywhere. He also informs me that the German soccer team is called "die deutche mannschaft", which to me sounds kind of dirty. But then again, I'm not a German.
(I love you Germans by the way. Some of my best friends are Germans. Please don't hurt me.)
(Sp)liz stole some stuff from my blog, but she credited me, so all is well in Funky town. I know, because I am the Mayor. Everything I touch turns to funk.
If you're a bad devil worshipper, or a good devil worshipper, whichever is worse to devil worshippers, (I assume that being good would make one a bad devil worshipper (in the sense that you are bad at worshipping the devil) whereas being bad would make one a good devil worshipper, but go with me here.) If you are such a person, do you go to Heaven? In the same way that bad Christians go to hell and good Christians go to heaven (and atheists spend their lives in Tasmania on holiday with a group of Germans)
*No! I love you guys! Really I do*
Hell, I have nothing more to say. In this one post I have offended zee Germans twice for no good reason, and am expecting big men in trenchcoats at the door any second saying
"Coom Viz me into ze Forezt Litte boy, I giv you strudel!"
*Shudder* Strudel
On that note, wind up the rubber band on the plane, cause I'm outta here.
If you don't hear from me in the next 24 hours, I'm either sleeping or dead. If I smell bad, it's probably not sleeping, call a doctor.
Abysinnya
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
"It's on like Donkey Kong"
Well, you heard Eddy's view on the big issues, and I felt like typing some, so now you get to hear MY views on "The big issues"
Abortion?
I am pro-choice. While I don’t think encouraging girls to go out with the mindset that “Oh well, if I get pregnant, it doesn’t matter, I can always have an abortion” is a great idea, I still think it should exist as an option. For sure, things happen, and if they do, there has to be more than one way out, without being labeled a “murderer”. So, It’s the girls body, the girls mind, PRIMARILY the girls choice. The father should be told, consulted and the issue discussed, but at the end of the day; how is he REALLY going to stop her if she is determined?
Death Penalty?
You kill someone, you get killed. Seems simple enough. But it was Gandhi who said “an eye for an eye serves only to make the whole world blind. Even so, there are guys out there serving multiple consecutive life sentences, who everybody knows are going to die in jail. You gotta weigh it up. Do you want these guys to sit around in jail, eating food, watching TV and doing bugger all at cost to the tax payer? Or do you want to kill them? Its one of those issues there is going to be debate about forever. It sure as hell isn’t acting as a deterrent, people ARE going to keep on killing people, it’s just a matter of if we want to kill them as well. I believe that we should punch the tickets of the real psychos, you know, like a sub club card: Your 10th murder gets you a free dose of Pentothal, Pavulon and Potassium Chloride.
Prostitution?
There’s no way I’m gonna be paying for sex (Well, not with money at least). It is however, the world’s oldest profession, and my opinion isn’t going to change it. Ideally I think the best part of sex is the emotional connection, not the physical act, so buying sex from a cheap whore isn’t going to be good, at all. However if cheap gratification and sexually transmitted diseases turn you on, go for it!
Alcohol?
I have 2 rules when it comes to alcohol.
1) Don’t Drink drive.
2) GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE!
Sure, I have nothing against the odd spot of alcohol, whether it be a beer over dinner with the family, a pitcher or so with the boys on a Saturday night, a martini or 7 after a hard day or the better part of a bottle of Scotch before bed. Just, if you’re drinking, don’t drive home, and try to avoid getting your cock out without good reason.
Marijuana?
Well, they aren’t going to make it legal here. So, it looks like people will just have to keep obtaining it illegally. I have no issues with it, like everything in moderation. If you are going to smoke yourself stupid (like many people we all know and love, every year level has their “stoner” clique,) don’t expect to me have much patience with you. That said, your life is just that, yours, do what you want with it.
Other drugs?
As far as I'm concerned heroin is very much like an off button for morons. Cocaine when inhaled not only kills you, but rots your nasal septum to the point that you can sneeze and watch your nose fly across the room. Methamphetamies, and the like WILL kill you. Whether you O’D and have the paramedics frying eggs on your forehead as your body shuts down, or you die from whatever shit (like drain cleaner) the people at the top have cut it with. They are all God’s way of telling you that you have too much money and too much time on your hands. In both cases, there’s a good chance you’re going to be recalled by your maker.
Gay marriage?
I don’t see what the big issue is over gay marriage. Let same sex couples get married. What’s the big issue? They should have the same rights as everyone else. Just cause it’s a lifestyle that isn’t my lifestyle doesn’t mean they should be denied simple stuff like that. On the flip side of the coin, if gay couples are in love, they shouldn’t really need a piece of paper and a special ceremony to prove it? Gay marriages now are what interracial marriages were 100 years ago, I think it should be allowed to happen, and denying gay couples that right is only going to produce the sort of friction that society can do without.
Illegal immigrants?
Not a fan. I think that more problems are being caused due to the debate over whether they should stay or not than by the Immigrants themselves. Sure it would be better if they could do it legally by the numbers, but in some cases, that just isn’t possible. We still can’t let them ALL in, but nor can we keep them ALL out. I don’t know. The person who comes up with a solution that satisfies everyone, is nothing short of a genius.
Smoking?
Anyone who knows me knows I'm against it, but again: It’s your life, and I respect your rights to do what you want with it. Some of my best friends are smokers, but provided they respect me by not blowing smoke in my face, I’ll respect them by not abusing them about it. My argument comes with people who OBVIOUSLY do it to be “cool” (eg: the people who actually talk about it more than they do it. Look for people sitting around going “man, I'm dying for a ciggie” for no good reason. WE don’t care if you’re dying for one, you will be if you keep it up.) Also, people who smoke around children, especially the sort of people who smoke in a car with a baby in a children’s seat right next to them. Its not good for kids. Poison your own air, not mine and we will all get along fine.
Drunk driving?
Don’t do it. It’s only going to get you killed. If you’re lucky its going to get you killed. If you’re unlucky you’re going to kill someone else, it’s going to paralyze you and you’re going to spend the rest of your life regretting it, and probably taking a bath with a hairdryer to get over it.
Cloning?
Dunno. Science is good, and it could be good for organ transplants, stem cell research and the rest. Then there is that whole dirty “morality” issue. Only time will tell. Stay tuned.
Racism?
A waste of everybody’s energy I think. People can’t help who their parents are and where they are born, so a degree of cultural understanding is in order. I will still make racist jokes, but only if no offense is going to be taken (and lets face it, who ever thinks that I am being serious). Also, I will make equal number of jokes about myself to balance the load. Racism born from hatred is a very very nasty thing, and its not for the best. We’re all the same inside, and we still bleed just as red as each other. Even so, people being people, Racism is going to continue and there is nothing that we can really do about it.
Premarital sex?
I think that the idea of “No sex before marriage” is outdated. I mean sure, there are still religious people out there who are going to follow it and find like-minded religious people and produce babies who are exactly the same, and hence the tradition is going to continue. But I think that if you are going to get married, you have to know the whole person; that includes what they are like in the sack. I mean, how are you going to know if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person if you have lust clouding your judgment? Even so, some people just aren’t compatible in that way, and that’s a lousy way to start a marriage. And think of the pressure on the wedding night??? MAN! That’d suck. Having sex is a big step in a relationship, getting married is an even bigger step, and it’s not a great idea to take the both at the same time in one big leap. This doesn’t mean that you should go forth and fuck everything that moves, cause that will just make you diseased. Just because you’re doing it before marriage doesn’t mean you shouldn’t think about it (there is also such a thing as over thinking too remember, I’m SO guilty of that.) In other words, have fun with it, but be smart.
In related news, anyone who would like to have fun with it, you know where to contact me. No experience necessary.
Religion?
I’m not religious, but I respect everyone who wants to be. I'm just not a fan of the whole “Be like this because we say that’s how you should be” theory. Sure, I went to a religious school, and I do respect the basic code at the core of all. You know the, Respect for other people, don’t kill people, etc; but I don’t support the hardcore “YOU MUST JOIN OUR RELIGION OR BURN IN HELL!!” attitude. It’s the hypocrisy I can’t stand.
The war in Iraq?
I suppose it was inevitable. I was against it for America’s motives though. Heh, those WMD are pretty damn well hidden. Considering they STILL haven’t been found. Saddam was indisputably, an evil little man, but he had been in power for a long time anyway. Did us Aussies really need to get involved? The world is starting to realise that we aren’t all smiles and “G’day Mates”.
Bush?
The last time anyone listened to a bush, they wound up wandering in the desert for years. And now, its happening again. I'm sure he can’t be anywhere near as incompetent as he appears. Scratch that, I HOPE that he isn’t as incompetent as he appears. He cant be, can he?
Downloading music?
Biiiiiiiiiiig fan. I’m a Napster baby. Inevitably, the songs I download are on CD’s that I either already own, or will wind up buying. Also, the internet is an endless resource for good live music that would otherwise go un-listened to. For a guitarist like me, its invaluable, cause I can download live versions, acoustic versions, studio versions, and learn from them about different songs, as well as the improvisation that is used.
The legal drinking age?
It’s 18. I suspect it’s staying at 18, and I think that’s a good thing. Kid’s will drink at 16, but we’re Aussies, if the legal drinking age was 16, nothing would ever get done. I think that the US with its 21 is outrageous! I couldn’t stand it. They are just causing problems for themselves. Keep it at 18 Australia.
Porn?
What’s wrong with it? Too much is creepy. Creepy stuff (Fetus porn!) is creepy. There is an amount that each guy will keep for emergencies, and is still healthy.
Suicide?
If you’re pushed that far, its very sad, and an obvious last resort. Don’t take a bath with your toaster before talking to people. They will always help. No matter what is wrong, its not that bad.
Abysinnya!
Well, you heard Eddy's view on the big issues, and I felt like typing some, so now you get to hear MY views on "The big issues"
Abortion?
I am pro-choice. While I don’t think encouraging girls to go out with the mindset that “Oh well, if I get pregnant, it doesn’t matter, I can always have an abortion” is a great idea, I still think it should exist as an option. For sure, things happen, and if they do, there has to be more than one way out, without being labeled a “murderer”. So, It’s the girls body, the girls mind, PRIMARILY the girls choice. The father should be told, consulted and the issue discussed, but at the end of the day; how is he REALLY going to stop her if she is determined?
Death Penalty?
You kill someone, you get killed. Seems simple enough. But it was Gandhi who said “an eye for an eye serves only to make the whole world blind. Even so, there are guys out there serving multiple consecutive life sentences, who everybody knows are going to die in jail. You gotta weigh it up. Do you want these guys to sit around in jail, eating food, watching TV and doing bugger all at cost to the tax payer? Or do you want to kill them? Its one of those issues there is going to be debate about forever. It sure as hell isn’t acting as a deterrent, people ARE going to keep on killing people, it’s just a matter of if we want to kill them as well. I believe that we should punch the tickets of the real psychos, you know, like a sub club card: Your 10th murder gets you a free dose of Pentothal, Pavulon and Potassium Chloride.
Prostitution?
There’s no way I’m gonna be paying for sex (Well, not with money at least). It is however, the world’s oldest profession, and my opinion isn’t going to change it. Ideally I think the best part of sex is the emotional connection, not the physical act, so buying sex from a cheap whore isn’t going to be good, at all. However if cheap gratification and sexually transmitted diseases turn you on, go for it!
Alcohol?
I have 2 rules when it comes to alcohol.
1) Don’t Drink drive.
2) GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE!
Sure, I have nothing against the odd spot of alcohol, whether it be a beer over dinner with the family, a pitcher or so with the boys on a Saturday night, a martini or 7 after a hard day or the better part of a bottle of Scotch before bed. Just, if you’re drinking, don’t drive home, and try to avoid getting your cock out without good reason.
Marijuana?
Well, they aren’t going to make it legal here. So, it looks like people will just have to keep obtaining it illegally. I have no issues with it, like everything in moderation. If you are going to smoke yourself stupid (like many people we all know and love, every year level has their “stoner” clique,) don’t expect to me have much patience with you. That said, your life is just that, yours, do what you want with it.
Other drugs?
As far as I'm concerned heroin is very much like an off button for morons. Cocaine when inhaled not only kills you, but rots your nasal septum to the point that you can sneeze and watch your nose fly across the room. Methamphetamies, and the like WILL kill you. Whether you O’D and have the paramedics frying eggs on your forehead as your body shuts down, or you die from whatever shit (like drain cleaner) the people at the top have cut it with. They are all God’s way of telling you that you have too much money and too much time on your hands. In both cases, there’s a good chance you’re going to be recalled by your maker.
Gay marriage?
I don’t see what the big issue is over gay marriage. Let same sex couples get married. What’s the big issue? They should have the same rights as everyone else. Just cause it’s a lifestyle that isn’t my lifestyle doesn’t mean they should be denied simple stuff like that. On the flip side of the coin, if gay couples are in love, they shouldn’t really need a piece of paper and a special ceremony to prove it? Gay marriages now are what interracial marriages were 100 years ago, I think it should be allowed to happen, and denying gay couples that right is only going to produce the sort of friction that society can do without.
Illegal immigrants?
Not a fan. I think that more problems are being caused due to the debate over whether they should stay or not than by the Immigrants themselves. Sure it would be better if they could do it legally by the numbers, but in some cases, that just isn’t possible. We still can’t let them ALL in, but nor can we keep them ALL out. I don’t know. The person who comes up with a solution that satisfies everyone, is nothing short of a genius.
Smoking?
Anyone who knows me knows I'm against it, but again: It’s your life, and I respect your rights to do what you want with it. Some of my best friends are smokers, but provided they respect me by not blowing smoke in my face, I’ll respect them by not abusing them about it. My argument comes with people who OBVIOUSLY do it to be “cool” (eg: the people who actually talk about it more than they do it. Look for people sitting around going “man, I'm dying for a ciggie” for no good reason. WE don’t care if you’re dying for one, you will be if you keep it up.) Also, people who smoke around children, especially the sort of people who smoke in a car with a baby in a children’s seat right next to them. Its not good for kids. Poison your own air, not mine and we will all get along fine.
Drunk driving?
Don’t do it. It’s only going to get you killed. If you’re lucky its going to get you killed. If you’re unlucky you’re going to kill someone else, it’s going to paralyze you and you’re going to spend the rest of your life regretting it, and probably taking a bath with a hairdryer to get over it.
Cloning?
Dunno. Science is good, and it could be good for organ transplants, stem cell research and the rest. Then there is that whole dirty “morality” issue. Only time will tell. Stay tuned.
Racism?
A waste of everybody’s energy I think. People can’t help who their parents are and where they are born, so a degree of cultural understanding is in order. I will still make racist jokes, but only if no offense is going to be taken (and lets face it, who ever thinks that I am being serious). Also, I will make equal number of jokes about myself to balance the load. Racism born from hatred is a very very nasty thing, and its not for the best. We’re all the same inside, and we still bleed just as red as each other. Even so, people being people, Racism is going to continue and there is nothing that we can really do about it.
Premarital sex?
I think that the idea of “No sex before marriage” is outdated. I mean sure, there are still religious people out there who are going to follow it and find like-minded religious people and produce babies who are exactly the same, and hence the tradition is going to continue. But I think that if you are going to get married, you have to know the whole person; that includes what they are like in the sack. I mean, how are you going to know if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person if you have lust clouding your judgment? Even so, some people just aren’t compatible in that way, and that’s a lousy way to start a marriage. And think of the pressure on the wedding night??? MAN! That’d suck. Having sex is a big step in a relationship, getting married is an even bigger step, and it’s not a great idea to take the both at the same time in one big leap. This doesn’t mean that you should go forth and fuck everything that moves, cause that will just make you diseased. Just because you’re doing it before marriage doesn’t mean you shouldn’t think about it (there is also such a thing as over thinking too remember, I’m SO guilty of that.) In other words, have fun with it, but be smart.
In related news, anyone who would like to have fun with it, you know where to contact me. No experience necessary.
Religion?
I’m not religious, but I respect everyone who wants to be. I'm just not a fan of the whole “Be like this because we say that’s how you should be” theory. Sure, I went to a religious school, and I do respect the basic code at the core of all. You know the, Respect for other people, don’t kill people, etc; but I don’t support the hardcore “YOU MUST JOIN OUR RELIGION OR BURN IN HELL!!” attitude. It’s the hypocrisy I can’t stand.
The war in Iraq?
I suppose it was inevitable. I was against it for America’s motives though. Heh, those WMD are pretty damn well hidden. Considering they STILL haven’t been found. Saddam was indisputably, an evil little man, but he had been in power for a long time anyway. Did us Aussies really need to get involved? The world is starting to realise that we aren’t all smiles and “G’day Mates”.
Bush?
The last time anyone listened to a bush, they wound up wandering in the desert for years. And now, its happening again. I'm sure he can’t be anywhere near as incompetent as he appears. Scratch that, I HOPE that he isn’t as incompetent as he appears. He cant be, can he?
Downloading music?
Biiiiiiiiiiig fan. I’m a Napster baby. Inevitably, the songs I download are on CD’s that I either already own, or will wind up buying. Also, the internet is an endless resource for good live music that would otherwise go un-listened to. For a guitarist like me, its invaluable, cause I can download live versions, acoustic versions, studio versions, and learn from them about different songs, as well as the improvisation that is used.
The legal drinking age?
It’s 18. I suspect it’s staying at 18, and I think that’s a good thing. Kid’s will drink at 16, but we’re Aussies, if the legal drinking age was 16, nothing would ever get done. I think that the US with its 21 is outrageous! I couldn’t stand it. They are just causing problems for themselves. Keep it at 18 Australia.
Porn?
What’s wrong with it? Too much is creepy. Creepy stuff (Fetus porn!) is creepy. There is an amount that each guy will keep for emergencies, and is still healthy.
Suicide?
If you’re pushed that far, its very sad, and an obvious last resort. Don’t take a bath with your toaster before talking to people. They will always help. No matter what is wrong, its not that bad.
Abysinnya!
Stolen Roses and shoes full of melted butter
Fuck its cold! Is that just me or is it bloody cold? Fucking Hell!
For people gettting mad at me for not posting on Monday, what the fuck to you call "Welcome to Monday", I never promised GOOD WHOLESOME POSTS all week. (Ok, so its because I spent most of Monday studying while various other members of my family used this computer.) Ill post something interesting today to make up for the lack of yesterday.
Francesca wrote me from Ireland. That makes me think of guinness and potatoes, Not nessesarily in that order. Guinness is fantastic, and I wish I had some now to keep me warm. And as for potatoes, Well, Tiddle dee dee potatoes!
After exams, rumour has it that I could be back behind the bar again. Stay tuned.
For those of you reading Mykiela's blog, I am the whingey bitch she is talking about. Just to clarify, I have had my eyes tested again, and because it was only my Left eye that was retarded, constantly wearing my glasses corrected the small fault, so I can see good as new (Or almost good as new I can get without super cybernetic implants) again. Also, They were only for reading LONG RANGE, such as off a blackboard, or subtitles at a dirty French movie from the back row. The reason I was having a bitch about the font you were using Kiela is it was BRIGHT RADIOACTIVE PINK and was painful to look at.
On that note, I'm going to have myself a warm shower and try to get blood circulating again. Maybe with some guitar playing.
Have the lyrics from another song. Something for Kate this time
(This one is for me because lets face it, I'm pretty much constantly in a state of being asleep on my feet)
No more will I play along
and no more will tell myself it's gonna be from now on
Cos i've been stalling in between
and I've been dragging my feet making bets that this isn't happening
And i sleepwalk around
two feet off the ground
while the real world is trying to reach me
And when the rain comes down I see it all now
Standing on the great divide of some collagen
between ordinary and imaginary life
This could be your lucky day
cos if tomorrow ever comes you'lll be looking the other way
When you sleepwalk around
two feet off the ground
while the real world is trying to reach you
with stories around that you already knew
It pulls you and pushes you
When you sleepwalk around two feet off the ground
When the rain comes down you find yourself now
Nowhere
-Something For Kate; Song For a Sleepwalker
That's all right now folks
Abysinnya!
Fuck its cold! Is that just me or is it bloody cold? Fucking Hell!
For people gettting mad at me for not posting on Monday, what the fuck to you call "Welcome to Monday", I never promised GOOD WHOLESOME POSTS all week. (Ok, so its because I spent most of Monday studying while various other members of my family used this computer.) Ill post something interesting today to make up for the lack of yesterday.
Francesca wrote me from Ireland. That makes me think of guinness and potatoes, Not nessesarily in that order. Guinness is fantastic, and I wish I had some now to keep me warm. And as for potatoes, Well, Tiddle dee dee potatoes!
After exams, rumour has it that I could be back behind the bar again. Stay tuned.
For those of you reading Mykiela's blog, I am the whingey bitch she is talking about. Just to clarify, I have had my eyes tested again, and because it was only my Left eye that was retarded, constantly wearing my glasses corrected the small fault, so I can see good as new (Or almost good as new I can get without super cybernetic implants) again. Also, They were only for reading LONG RANGE, such as off a blackboard, or subtitles at a dirty French movie from the back row. The reason I was having a bitch about the font you were using Kiela is it was BRIGHT RADIOACTIVE PINK and was painful to look at.
On that note, I'm going to have myself a warm shower and try to get blood circulating again. Maybe with some guitar playing.
Have the lyrics from another song. Something for Kate this time
(This one is for me because lets face it, I'm pretty much constantly in a state of being asleep on my feet)
No more will I play along
and no more will tell myself it's gonna be from now on
Cos i've been stalling in between
and I've been dragging my feet making bets that this isn't happening
And i sleepwalk around
two feet off the ground
while the real world is trying to reach me
And when the rain comes down I see it all now
Standing on the great divide of some collagen
between ordinary and imaginary life
This could be your lucky day
cos if tomorrow ever comes you'lll be looking the other way
When you sleepwalk around
two feet off the ground
while the real world is trying to reach you
with stories around that you already knew
It pulls you and pushes you
When you sleepwalk around two feet off the ground
When the rain comes down you find yourself now
Nowhere
-Something For Kate; Song For a Sleepwalker
That's all right now folks
Abysinnya!
Monday, June 14, 2004
Sunday, June 13, 2004
If I hear the song "All Star" ever again, for absolutely ANYTHING AT ALL. I will have to kill something. WRITE A NEW GODDAMNED SONG ASSHOLES!
I have no armor; I make benevolence my armor. I have no sword; I make no mind my sword.
Mmmmm, I can smell what the rock is cooking! Well, no, I cant, but I CAN smell the rediculous number of Dim Sims that are being cooked in my kitchen. Not shitty rubbery dim sims that you buy from the Fish and Chip shop along with your crab stick. Real hardcore original recipie dim sims. And they are going to be TASTY.
In other news, "The Last Samurai" is a cool movie. I like it. Almost as much as I like beer.
In a related story, much drinking was done last night on that one last trip into town before exams. Many a Mercedes Old scholar was sighted, and it was good. I was given two martini's for the price of one due to incompetent bar staff. Not that I'm complaining mind.
At the moment, the long weekend is causing me to feel rediculously mellow...
De Nada
By the way, the title of this post is actuallly relevant. Its translated from the Samurai's Pledge. Tom Cruise never took that shit.
I'm gonna need more cowbell.
"Come see
I swear by now I'm playing time against my troubles
I'm coming slow but speeding
Do you wish a dance and while
I'm in the front
The play on time is won
But the difficulty is coming here
I will go in this way
And find my own way out
I won't tell you to stay
But I'm coming to much more
Me
All at once the ghosts come back
Reeling in you now
What if they came down crushing
Remember when I used to play for
all of the loneliness that nobody
notices now
Oh, I'm begging slow
I'm coming here
Only waiting
I wanted to stay
I wanted to play,
I wanted to love you
I'm only this far
And only tomorrow leads my way
I'm coming waltzing back and
moving into your head
Please, I wouldn't pass you by
Oh, I wouldn't take any more than
What sort of man goes by
I will bring water
Why won't you ever be glad
It melts into wonder
I came in praying for you
Why won't you run
into the rain and play
And let the tears splash all over you"
- Dave Matthews Band, #41
(That's right, the song is called #41 (Or Number forty one, if you like to pronounce things fully, You know who you are) because it's the 41st song that they wrote) (Too many parenthesis)
Someone told me that when I have nothing to say on my blog, its good because it gives people insight into my insanity, and is apparently, still funny.
You be the jury.
Sit UBU sit. Good dog. *Roof!*
Mmmmm, I can smell what the rock is cooking! Well, no, I cant, but I CAN smell the rediculous number of Dim Sims that are being cooked in my kitchen. Not shitty rubbery dim sims that you buy from the Fish and Chip shop along with your crab stick. Real hardcore original recipie dim sims. And they are going to be TASTY.
In other news, "The Last Samurai" is a cool movie. I like it. Almost as much as I like beer.
In a related story, much drinking was done last night on that one last trip into town before exams. Many a Mercedes Old scholar was sighted, and it was good. I was given two martini's for the price of one due to incompetent bar staff. Not that I'm complaining mind.
At the moment, the long weekend is causing me to feel rediculously mellow...
De Nada
By the way, the title of this post is actuallly relevant. Its translated from the Samurai's Pledge. Tom Cruise never took that shit.
I'm gonna need more cowbell.
"Come see
I swear by now I'm playing time against my troubles
I'm coming slow but speeding
Do you wish a dance and while
I'm in the front
The play on time is won
But the difficulty is coming here
I will go in this way
And find my own way out
I won't tell you to stay
But I'm coming to much more
Me
All at once the ghosts come back
Reeling in you now
What if they came down crushing
Remember when I used to play for
all of the loneliness that nobody
notices now
Oh, I'm begging slow
I'm coming here
Only waiting
I wanted to stay
I wanted to play,
I wanted to love you
I'm only this far
And only tomorrow leads my way
I'm coming waltzing back and
moving into your head
Please, I wouldn't pass you by
Oh, I wouldn't take any more than
What sort of man goes by
I will bring water
Why won't you ever be glad
It melts into wonder
I came in praying for you
Why won't you run
into the rain and play
And let the tears splash all over you"
- Dave Matthews Band, #41
(That's right, the song is called #41 (Or Number forty one, if you like to pronounce things fully, You know who you are) because it's the 41st song that they wrote) (Too many parenthesis)
Someone told me that when I have nothing to say on my blog, its good because it gives people insight into my insanity, and is apparently, still funny.
You be the jury.
Sit UBU sit. Good dog. *Roof!*
Saturday, June 12, 2004
Mmmmmm Brains?
I have noticed of late there has been a slight fall off in the amount that people are updating their blogs. This could be due to the fact that exams are fast approaching for most, and time usually dedicated to writing innane blog entries is better spent studying. Therefore, me being the top sort of bloke I am, I promise a blog entry every day for seven days. I'm not promising they will be big. Nor will they nessesarily be good. (Get the feeling I have made this speech before?) But there will be 7 posts, one a day, AS I study for mid-years, just to show my dedication.
The following MAY contain plot spoilers for the movie "Dawn of the dead" but it is essentially a zombie movie, with little or no plot, so you uptight anal retentive movie watchers can just shut the fuck up and get over yourselves already!
So, since I have this strange hatred for the Harry Potter movies, I decided the best thing to do would be to go to the movies, and see a movie that WASNT Harry Potter related. Therefore, my Friday night held me heading down to the movies to see "DAWN OF THE DEAD". Those of you not familiar with the movie, it is essentially, a 2004 remake of a cheesy 1974 zombie horror movie.
I walked in with low expectations, but was pleasantly surprised. There were many things that I liked about the movie.
1) It wasn't Harry Potter.
2) It didn't go to great rediculous lengths to explain where the zombies came from, how the humans can get rid of them, and the moral implications thereof. As a matter of fact, the only time the origin of the zombies is mentioned is in the first 3 minutes when the main female character is introduced. (The line used is something along the lines of "That patient had to go into the ICU because of a bite he recieved in a bar brawl"). Thats it! Respect!
3) It doesn't take itself too seriously. When I go to the movies to see a zombie movie, I am not looking for deep philosophical and moral discussion. I want blood and gore, and dead fucking bad ass Zombies. This movie does not dissapoint! To boot they also include a healthy whack of sarcasm, some tragic black humor and many strange awkward moments that make you laugh. And who could forget the shameless nudity!
4)A do-able female lead that spends a majority of the movie in pajamas
5)Did I mention unnessesary nudity? (Not to spoil the surprise, but at the end, the first page of credits comes up, then, for no good reason, there is a random flash of a chick taking off her top. Random, but appreciated, and it made the WHOLE audience stay for the credits) Also, a completely unnessesary shower sex scene.
6) THE ZOMBIES RUN! Every other movie I have ever seen involving Zombies has them shuffle along at a rediculously slow pace, allowing even the BIGGEST retard with a hand gun to take them out one by one as they crawl towards them. This time, forget it fuckers. You are actually BEING CHASED by these bad boys.
7)Plenty of gore. Head shots, Gushing arteries, chunks of skull, sticky brain matter and zombie babies.
And like any good movie, it taught me a few lessons:
- I don't care HOW religious or HOW pro-life you are; Zombie babies should be terminated with extreme predudice before they escape the womb. Killing it with a bullet to the brain after it has been born is JUST as effective, but probably not as safe for everyone else.
- Ving Rhames with a shotgun is one bad ass mo-fo who you DO NOT want to fuck with, no matter HOW undead you are.
- As with stock standard Hollywood horror formula; If you have sex, you die. If you think about having sex, you die. If you are a sarcastic asshole, you die (In a manner that is squishier than most). If you are just an asshole, you die. If you talk about your friends and relatives who "might still be alive", they die, then you die. Fall in love, You die, or they die. Fuck with Ving Rhames, You die. Secretly keep your zombie wife alive so she can give birth to your Zombie Baby: Your whole family is about to die Mother fucker! If you start up a big chainsaw in a moving bus, You better BELIEVE you are going to die.
- If you see your husband/wife bitten in the neck by a little girl zombie, and they die messily squirting six litres of arterial blood all over the bed and the wall, they are NOT ok, when they suddenly get up again for no reason. Also, when they approach you in their bloody groaning state, they DO NOT want to give you a friendly hug, they want to eat your brain.
- Propane gas tanks (of the outdoor BBQ variety) when strapped with a road flare and shot, have the explosive force of a small tactical thermo-nuclear device.
- Elevator music is always bad. Even if in a Zombie infested mall.
- Zombies do not like having golf balls hit at them.
Sure, it isnt the best movie EVER made. But if you enjoy a good action film that will make you chuckle, get out your student card (Dont pay full price) and head on down to see "Dawn of the Dead"
I have noticed of late there has been a slight fall off in the amount that people are updating their blogs. This could be due to the fact that exams are fast approaching for most, and time usually dedicated to writing innane blog entries is better spent studying. Therefore, me being the top sort of bloke I am, I promise a blog entry every day for seven days. I'm not promising they will be big. Nor will they nessesarily be good. (Get the feeling I have made this speech before?) But there will be 7 posts, one a day, AS I study for mid-years, just to show my dedication.
The following MAY contain plot spoilers for the movie "Dawn of the dead" but it is essentially a zombie movie, with little or no plot, so you uptight anal retentive movie watchers can just shut the fuck up and get over yourselves already!
So, since I have this strange hatred for the Harry Potter movies, I decided the best thing to do would be to go to the movies, and see a movie that WASNT Harry Potter related. Therefore, my Friday night held me heading down to the movies to see "DAWN OF THE DEAD". Those of you not familiar with the movie, it is essentially, a 2004 remake of a cheesy 1974 zombie horror movie.
I walked in with low expectations, but was pleasantly surprised. There were many things that I liked about the movie.
1) It wasn't Harry Potter.
2) It didn't go to great rediculous lengths to explain where the zombies came from, how the humans can get rid of them, and the moral implications thereof. As a matter of fact, the only time the origin of the zombies is mentioned is in the first 3 minutes when the main female character is introduced. (The line used is something along the lines of "That patient had to go into the ICU because of a bite he recieved in a bar brawl"). Thats it! Respect!
3) It doesn't take itself too seriously. When I go to the movies to see a zombie movie, I am not looking for deep philosophical and moral discussion. I want blood and gore, and dead fucking bad ass Zombies. This movie does not dissapoint! To boot they also include a healthy whack of sarcasm, some tragic black humor and many strange awkward moments that make you laugh. And who could forget the shameless nudity!
4)A do-able female lead that spends a majority of the movie in pajamas
5)Did I mention unnessesary nudity? (Not to spoil the surprise, but at the end, the first page of credits comes up, then, for no good reason, there is a random flash of a chick taking off her top. Random, but appreciated, and it made the WHOLE audience stay for the credits) Also, a completely unnessesary shower sex scene.
6) THE ZOMBIES RUN! Every other movie I have ever seen involving Zombies has them shuffle along at a rediculously slow pace, allowing even the BIGGEST retard with a hand gun to take them out one by one as they crawl towards them. This time, forget it fuckers. You are actually BEING CHASED by these bad boys.
7)Plenty of gore. Head shots, Gushing arteries, chunks of skull, sticky brain matter and zombie babies.
And like any good movie, it taught me a few lessons:
- I don't care HOW religious or HOW pro-life you are; Zombie babies should be terminated with extreme predudice before they escape the womb. Killing it with a bullet to the brain after it has been born is JUST as effective, but probably not as safe for everyone else.
- Ving Rhames with a shotgun is one bad ass mo-fo who you DO NOT want to fuck with, no matter HOW undead you are.
- As with stock standard Hollywood horror formula; If you have sex, you die. If you think about having sex, you die. If you are a sarcastic asshole, you die (In a manner that is squishier than most). If you are just an asshole, you die. If you talk about your friends and relatives who "might still be alive", they die, then you die. Fall in love, You die, or they die. Fuck with Ving Rhames, You die. Secretly keep your zombie wife alive so she can give birth to your Zombie Baby: Your whole family is about to die Mother fucker! If you start up a big chainsaw in a moving bus, You better BELIEVE you are going to die.
- If you see your husband/wife bitten in the neck by a little girl zombie, and they die messily squirting six litres of arterial blood all over the bed and the wall, they are NOT ok, when they suddenly get up again for no reason. Also, when they approach you in their bloody groaning state, they DO NOT want to give you a friendly hug, they want to eat your brain.
- Propane gas tanks (of the outdoor BBQ variety) when strapped with a road flare and shot, have the explosive force of a small tactical thermo-nuclear device.
- Elevator music is always bad. Even if in a Zombie infested mall.
- Zombies do not like having golf balls hit at them.
Sure, it isnt the best movie EVER made. But if you enjoy a good action film that will make you chuckle, get out your student card (Dont pay full price) and head on down to see "Dawn of the Dead"
Thursday, June 10, 2004
How to spot governmental bullshit:
Relating specifically to TV adverts.
Just follow this handy checklist:
1)When watching the ad: Is there an innocuous and unthreatening guitar playing in the background?
2) Can you hear "Unchain my heart"?
3) Does the ad feature a disembodied and narrator, with calm and pleasant male voice answering questions?
4) Are the questions asked by either a) A young couple with baby, b) An elderly couple, c) a middle aged family with 2 kids returning from some wholesome family activity (Eg: Playing sport, going to a picnic, playing on the beach ) d) A single man either a)running, b) returning from a surf c) shopping.
5) Do all of these people grin in a attempted friendly, but somewhat disturbing manner?
6) Are there large clear easy numbers and facts to read, accompanied by tiny tiny small print?
7) Does the ad end with political jargon, and the word "Canberra"?
If you answered YES to 2 or more of the above, there is a fantastic chance that you are watching pure BULLSHIT.
Relating specifically to TV adverts.
Just follow this handy checklist:
1)When watching the ad: Is there an innocuous and unthreatening guitar playing in the background?
2) Can you hear "Unchain my heart"?
3) Does the ad feature a disembodied and narrator, with calm and pleasant male voice answering questions?
4) Are the questions asked by either a) A young couple with baby, b) An elderly couple, c) a middle aged family with 2 kids returning from some wholesome family activity (Eg: Playing sport, going to a picnic, playing on the beach ) d) A single man either a)running, b) returning from a surf c) shopping.
5) Do all of these people grin in a attempted friendly, but somewhat disturbing manner?
6) Are there large clear easy numbers and facts to read, accompanied by tiny tiny small print?
7) Does the ad end with political jargon, and the word "Canberra"?
If you answered YES to 2 or more of the above, there is a fantastic chance that you are watching pure BULLSHIT.
If I was Ronald Reagan, I would be getting pissed off at the fact my body is being dragged around the whole fricken' country just so people can gawp at my box.
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Feeling Slightly Seedy
Alcohol will do that to you.
Think about the Pope. He could say practically whatever he wants, and people would listen. Theres a chance, that they would do whatever he said as well. He could do absolutely ANYTHING and there would be people who go "Meh, He's the pope". For a crooked person, it would be a great gig. Thats why I want to be the pope. Angry religious fanatics are a force to be reckoned with. I could rule the world. I would just have to be religious for a while.
I'd come unstuck eventually.
You know what they say, You can fool some of the Papal, some of the time, but not all of the papal all of the time.
Alcohol will do that to you.
Think about the Pope. He could say practically whatever he wants, and people would listen. Theres a chance, that they would do whatever he said as well. He could do absolutely ANYTHING and there would be people who go "Meh, He's the pope". For a crooked person, it would be a great gig. Thats why I want to be the pope. Angry religious fanatics are a force to be reckoned with. I could rule the world. I would just have to be religious for a while.
I'd come unstuck eventually.
You know what they say, You can fool some of the Papal, some of the time, but not all of the papal all of the time.
Friday, June 04, 2004
Hey campers, Right off the back of being turned away from the Ed because Daw was wearing Trakky Daks. Hehehe, Bogan. New annoucements include Mr Daw himself taking the reigns of Mercedes college leadership. So, what better way to celebrate the change of pace than with a top 10 list.
I am no bogan. I just like to be comfortaBLEH!!!!!! y'all know what im talking aboot! Yes well done Dad!!!!! The school is going to change, so here are the...
TOP TEN CHANGES TO MERCEDES NOW THAT BIG MERV IS PRINCIPAL
10: New Dress code: All boys must sport chin length moustaches.
9: Radical New Detention techniques: Take the principal on at Tiger Woods X box golf.
8: After years of faithful service to the West Adelaide Football club, Greg Mellor is promoted to Head of Middle School in lieu of Anthony Coles (Pfft, Fucking Sturt supporter)
7: Drama class replaced with repeated viewings of "Apocalypse Now" and "Led Zepplin" DVD
6: Strathspey undergoes a name change: "The Daw Tower"
5: Instead of morning prayer, the entire school must "warm up" on the oval, copying the principal's stretching routine.
4: Staff meeting replaced with "Pep talk in the locker room"
3: Edgar Roex justifiably expelled after whooping the principal at everything X box.
2: New School Colours: Red, and Black. New school mascot: The bloodhound, "Loyal En Tout" replaced with "Blood, Sweat and Tears", Mercedes song replaced with "We're a mighty bunch of Bloodhounds"
AND THE NUMBER 1 CHANGE TO MERCEDES NOW THAT BIG MERV IS PRINCIPAL...
1)Wild Celebrations as swimming coordinator is "asked to leave" .... again
I am no bogan. I just like to be comfortaBLEH!!!!!! y'all know what im talking aboot! Yes well done Dad!!!!! The school is going to change, so here are the...
TOP TEN CHANGES TO MERCEDES NOW THAT BIG MERV IS PRINCIPAL
10: New Dress code: All boys must sport chin length moustaches.
9: Radical New Detention techniques: Take the principal on at Tiger Woods X box golf.
8: After years of faithful service to the West Adelaide Football club, Greg Mellor is promoted to Head of Middle School in lieu of Anthony Coles (Pfft, Fucking Sturt supporter)
7: Drama class replaced with repeated viewings of "Apocalypse Now" and "Led Zepplin" DVD
6: Strathspey undergoes a name change: "The Daw Tower"
5: Instead of morning prayer, the entire school must "warm up" on the oval, copying the principal's stretching routine.
4: Staff meeting replaced with "Pep talk in the locker room"
3: Edgar Roex justifiably expelled after whooping the principal at everything X box.
2: New School Colours: Red, and Black. New school mascot: The bloodhound, "Loyal En Tout" replaced with "Blood, Sweat and Tears", Mercedes song replaced with "We're a mighty bunch of Bloodhounds"
AND THE NUMBER 1 CHANGE TO MERCEDES NOW THAT BIG MERV IS PRINCIPAL...
1)Wild Celebrations as swimming coordinator is "asked to leave" .... again
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Here comes the cold
Good news, I passed legal studies. With a WHOPPING Pass + for my essay. Thankyou.
Today is the first day of Winter, and of course that brings with it Half-Birthday wishes to Julia, Happy Half Birthday.
Today I bought a red toothbrush. Red is my favourite colour. My car is red because red makes it go faster. (Don't buy red coloured condoms, for the same reason)
The end of an era occured this morning when I lost about 5 kilos, of hair, from my head. That's right, today was Bi-yearly haircut day, hence my hair is shorter and I look, neat? I guess.
I have heard rumours of its existence before, but never have I seen a definitive, in print, version of the much talked about "Law and Order Drinking game" Today in the student magazine, Empire Times, there is definitive rules and regulations regarding this game. For play at home, I have included the rules below. (Please note: This is for REGULAR Law and Order ONLY (Channel Ten, 8:30, Wednesday) NOT Law and Order SVU, Law and Order Criminal Intent, Cherry Law and Order or Law and Order with a hint of lime)
First get a feel for the characters, You have:
- Briscoe: Old, alcoholic, divorced, smart ass detective
- Green: Younger, Black, Smart ass Detective
- Jack: Old grey haired cranky lawyer
- Serena: Younger, prettier blonde haired female lawyer
Then, you take your drinkers, and divide them into two even numbered teams, Team LAW and Team ORDER. Everyone must have a drink.
Now, Settle down infront of the TV.
Team LAW Drinks if:
-Detective Briscoe makes a smart ass comment (1 drink)
-Detective Briscoe draws his gun (5 drinks)
-The suspect is granted bail (3 drinks)
-The defendants lawyer makes an 'objection' (3 drinks)
Team ORDER drinks if:
-Detective Green makes a smart ass comment (1 Drink)
-Detective Green draws his gun (5 drinks)
-The suspect is refused bail (3 drinks)
-Jack makes an 'objections' (3 drinks)
EVERYONE drinks if:
-The scene changes, and the new scene's location appears on the black screen accompanied by an orchestra hit of "Dunnn dunn" (1 Drink)
-Detective Briscoe mentions he is divorced, used to be married or mentions his ex-wife in any way (5 Drinks)
-Detective Briscoe refers to his past as an alcoholic (Everyone finishes their drink and gets a new one)
- Any person runs away upon being confronted by the detectives (2 drinks)
- Jack gets frustrated or flustered (1 drink)
- There is a scene in which Jack is seen eating (5 drinks)
- There is any kind of moral debate involving Jack or Serena (Finish your drink and get a new one)
The people who wrote this take 'drink' to mean a swig of whatever you are drinking.
In other news, there was widespread debate about advertising laws for pubs promising "3 dollar pints of Pale" and then giving their poor patrons SOUTHWARK pale. If you order a pint of pale in Adelaide, it damn well better be Coopers.
Also, Marty, You were found out. In our local community paper the headline "NEW TEEN THRILL DANGER ALERT" leads into an article about soda bulbs and how they can be used to make explosives. They can also be inhaled to produce a dizzying 'high'
Pay a visit to Kiela's blog for super "Holy crap that's a giant picture of Jennifer Garner" action (That's my favourite kind)
That's about all I have to say.
Look after yourselves, and each other.
Good news, I passed legal studies. With a WHOPPING Pass + for my essay. Thankyou.
Today is the first day of Winter, and of course that brings with it Half-Birthday wishes to Julia, Happy Half Birthday.
Today I bought a red toothbrush. Red is my favourite colour. My car is red because red makes it go faster. (Don't buy red coloured condoms, for the same reason)
The end of an era occured this morning when I lost about 5 kilos, of hair, from my head. That's right, today was Bi-yearly haircut day, hence my hair is shorter and I look, neat? I guess.
I have heard rumours of its existence before, but never have I seen a definitive, in print, version of the much talked about "Law and Order Drinking game" Today in the student magazine, Empire Times, there is definitive rules and regulations regarding this game. For play at home, I have included the rules below. (Please note: This is for REGULAR Law and Order ONLY (Channel Ten, 8:30, Wednesday) NOT Law and Order SVU, Law and Order Criminal Intent, Cherry Law and Order or Law and Order with a hint of lime)
First get a feel for the characters, You have:
- Briscoe: Old, alcoholic, divorced, smart ass detective
- Green: Younger, Black, Smart ass Detective
- Jack: Old grey haired cranky lawyer
- Serena: Younger, prettier blonde haired female lawyer
Then, you take your drinkers, and divide them into two even numbered teams, Team LAW and Team ORDER. Everyone must have a drink.
Now, Settle down infront of the TV.
Team LAW Drinks if:
-Detective Briscoe makes a smart ass comment (1 drink)
-Detective Briscoe draws his gun (5 drinks)
-The suspect is granted bail (3 drinks)
-The defendants lawyer makes an 'objection' (3 drinks)
Team ORDER drinks if:
-Detective Green makes a smart ass comment (1 Drink)
-Detective Green draws his gun (5 drinks)
-The suspect is refused bail (3 drinks)
-Jack makes an 'objections' (3 drinks)
EVERYONE drinks if:
-The scene changes, and the new scene's location appears on the black screen accompanied by an orchestra hit of "Dunnn dunn" (1 Drink)
-Detective Briscoe mentions he is divorced, used to be married or mentions his ex-wife in any way (5 Drinks)
-Detective Briscoe refers to his past as an alcoholic (Everyone finishes their drink and gets a new one)
- Any person runs away upon being confronted by the detectives (2 drinks)
- Jack gets frustrated or flustered (1 drink)
- There is a scene in which Jack is seen eating (5 drinks)
- There is any kind of moral debate involving Jack or Serena (Finish your drink and get a new one)
The people who wrote this take 'drink' to mean a swig of whatever you are drinking.
In other news, there was widespread debate about advertising laws for pubs promising "3 dollar pints of Pale" and then giving their poor patrons SOUTHWARK pale. If you order a pint of pale in Adelaide, it damn well better be Coopers.
Also, Marty, You were found out. In our local community paper the headline "NEW TEEN THRILL DANGER ALERT" leads into an article about soda bulbs and how they can be used to make explosives. They can also be inhaled to produce a dizzying 'high'
Pay a visit to Kiela's blog for super "Holy crap that's a giant picture of Jennifer Garner" action (That's my favourite kind)
That's about all I have to say.
Look after yourselves, and each other.