May the Marketing guru be with you...
Attention George Lucas
Dear George,
First up, props on the great last name. It's awesome. Wear that shit with pride.
Secondly, Saw your new Star Wars movie lately, I'm a fan from way back.
Cheers for listening to public opinion and minimising the Jar Jar Binks action.
By the way, it's your fault that I had to see a fat chick dressed up as Princess Leia, but I will forgive you just this once.
Just don't do it again.
Few things that I thought were underused,
Dude, if you were going to do a Wookie army, there SO should have been more than 5 minutes of
Wookie action.
I love the Wookie!
Next up, Four lightsabers? Genius.
We saw you go double ended, then a saber in each hand, and then WOAH! Skipped right over TRIPLE weilding and stampeded straight for the quad like frat boys for the keg.
Great idea. But woefully underused.
But now the reason for my letter.
Whoever it is who does your marketing and scheduling of release dates.
FIRE THEM.
Hire me instead.
Look at it this way, you are launching the last installment of your widely acclaimed Star Wars saga in May, on the 19th no less.
Now don't get me wrong. The 19th was a good day. I'm sure that when you pencilled it into your calendar it looked fine and dandy for a worldwide launch.
But if you had any thinkers in your staff (like my good self), you would have pushed up the launch by 15 days.
THEN,
The movie practically sells itself!
It would be Star Wars day!
May the fourth!
As in May the fourth be with you!
I sincerely hope that you act on this immediately, and expect a cheque (or at least an invite to the ranch) within the week.
Your friend,
(and possibly illegitimate love child)
Nick
Don't eat the yellow snow
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Monday, May 30, 2005
This is what we meant to say...
My experimental data analysis practical that I spent hours on today SHOULD have read like this;
Procedure:
The procedure is as follows,
1) We have supplied you with a data sheet containing 316 separate absorbance values for the reflection spectrum of powdered HgS. The values correspond to the wavelengths of 190,192,194..., 820 nm
2) Also supplied is a large equation with a complex European hyphenate name.
3) Using the 316 absorbance values, compile a table by utilising two long winded derivatives of this formula.
4) You are going to use this formula, (which is about 4 pages long) , through all 316 values several times (for three different variations of the formula).
5) By doing this you will obtain three more sets of data values that are essentially IDENTICAL to the ones supplied in the beginning.
6) Plot the four separate sets of identical data values against wavelength.
7) Enjoy this GIGANTIC fucking waste of your time.
My experimental data analysis practical that I spent hours on today SHOULD have read like this;
Procedure:
The procedure is as follows,
1) We have supplied you with a data sheet containing 316 separate absorbance values for the reflection spectrum of powdered HgS. The values correspond to the wavelengths of 190,192,194..., 820 nm
2) Also supplied is a large equation with a complex European hyphenate name.
3) Using the 316 absorbance values, compile a table by utilising two long winded derivatives of this formula.
4) You are going to use this formula, (which is about 4 pages long) , through all 316 values several times (for three different variations of the formula).
5) By doing this you will obtain three more sets of data values that are essentially IDENTICAL to the ones supplied in the beginning.
6) Plot the four separate sets of identical data values against wavelength.
7) Enjoy this GIGANTIC fucking waste of your time.
Bullet with butterfly wings.
I am going to live the cliche and get the WORD for butterfly, in chinese, tattooed just above my ass.
Beat THAT un-original masses!
I am going to live the cliche and get the WORD for butterfly, in chinese, tattooed just above my ass.
Beat THAT un-original masses!
Sunday, May 29, 2005
The Schapelle Corby story.
For anyone who has been living under a rock, with their eyes shut, and their fingers in their ears saying;
"LA LA LA I'M NOT LISTENING"
(You lucky bastard. Trade places? Please)
Shapelle Corby, Australian recently convicted of smuggling drugs into Indonesia.
Drugs being 4.1 Kilos of Marijuana.
Indonesia being Bali.
Now there is a MESS of outcry about this.
And that makes me angry.
I'll admit, there are a lot of things that have the ability to make me angry, but nothing more than people absorbing a viewpoint without actually thinking about the options.
Ignorance irritates.
Basically the media has turned the whole case into a "Look at the poor innocent Australian girl held captive by savages in their HORRIBLE LAND"
And hundreds of Australians have jumped up and gone "We must save her!"
Before we go further;
I'm not saying that she IS guilty, and I am not saying that she is NOT guilty.
What I am saying is that, I am not in a position to know.
And neither are the media, and neither are the uninitiated supporters.
Noone is really. The media puts their own little spin on it, and there are so many contradictory pieces of information and evidence floating around it is GODDAMN difficult to formulate my own opinion.
But I don't know all the facts.
There IS evidence that she is innocent. But there is the same that she is guilty.
That, is the job of the judges. They are trained to do their job. They work every day doing this.
That is no excuse for bad behaviour.
I have seen signs abusing the Indonesians, calling them savages, ripping shit into their legal system and just being rude in general.
Hey! FUCKTARDS!
Their country, Their legal system, Their rules.
Sometimes it HAS to be harsh.
Imagine what would happen if every person who was convicted of a crime had enough charisma and patience to protest their innocence to the point they were released.
It could be done.
I HATE people who just jump on the bandwagon.
People are apparently unwilling to face the fact that she could be guilty.
And she could be.
The fact remains that at this stage, the 20 years that she has been given is a substantially reduced sentence considering what she COULD have gotten.
Life or Death, whichever is worse.
All I am saying people, is that you aren't in a position to make an educated decision.
Jumping on the bandwagon without thinking about what you are doing is a foolish way to do things.
Its no excuse for slandering the Indonesians.
And it is no excuse for sub-par behaviour.
You are better than that.
Goodnight.
For anyone who has been living under a rock, with their eyes shut, and their fingers in their ears saying;
"LA LA LA I'M NOT LISTENING"
(You lucky bastard. Trade places? Please)
Shapelle Corby, Australian recently convicted of smuggling drugs into Indonesia.
Drugs being 4.1 Kilos of Marijuana.
Indonesia being Bali.
Now there is a MESS of outcry about this.
And that makes me angry.
I'll admit, there are a lot of things that have the ability to make me angry, but nothing more than people absorbing a viewpoint without actually thinking about the options.
Ignorance irritates.
Basically the media has turned the whole case into a "Look at the poor innocent Australian girl held captive by savages in their HORRIBLE LAND"
And hundreds of Australians have jumped up and gone "We must save her!"
Before we go further;
I'm not saying that she IS guilty, and I am not saying that she is NOT guilty.
What I am saying is that, I am not in a position to know.
And neither are the media, and neither are the uninitiated supporters.
Noone is really. The media puts their own little spin on it, and there are so many contradictory pieces of information and evidence floating around it is GODDAMN difficult to formulate my own opinion.
But I don't know all the facts.
There IS evidence that she is innocent. But there is the same that she is guilty.
That, is the job of the judges. They are trained to do their job. They work every day doing this.
That is no excuse for bad behaviour.
I have seen signs abusing the Indonesians, calling them savages, ripping shit into their legal system and just being rude in general.
Hey! FUCKTARDS!
Their country, Their legal system, Their rules.
Sometimes it HAS to be harsh.
Imagine what would happen if every person who was convicted of a crime had enough charisma and patience to protest their innocence to the point they were released.
It could be done.
I HATE people who just jump on the bandwagon.
People are apparently unwilling to face the fact that she could be guilty.
And she could be.
The fact remains that at this stage, the 20 years that she has been given is a substantially reduced sentence considering what she COULD have gotten.
Life or Death, whichever is worse.
All I am saying people, is that you aren't in a position to make an educated decision.
Jumping on the bandwagon without thinking about what you are doing is a foolish way to do things.
Its no excuse for slandering the Indonesians.
And it is no excuse for sub-par behaviour.
You are better than that.
Goodnight.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
The end of the Matchbox men?
"In February 2005, Matchbox Twenty rhythm guitarist Adam Gaynor officially left the group, which had been on hiatus to allow other members to pursue side projects"
This, is something that has only just been brought to my attention only recently.
It makes me sad.
Could this be the end for Matchbox Twenty?
I was actually anxiously awaiting a new album.
On the bright side, this does mean that there is an opening for a rhythm guitarist.
I can do rhythm guitar!
Maybe I should send them my resume.
Hmm....
"In February 2005, Matchbox Twenty rhythm guitarist Adam Gaynor officially left the group, which had been on hiatus to allow other members to pursue side projects"
This, is something that has only just been brought to my attention only recently.
It makes me sad.
Could this be the end for Matchbox Twenty?
I was actually anxiously awaiting a new album.
On the bright side, this does mean that there is an opening for a rhythm guitarist.
I can do rhythm guitar!
Maybe I should send them my resume.
Hmm....
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Arrogant, sarcastic, asshole is a compliment, right?
Lyric-ness?
I had a clue now it's gone forever
Sitting over these bones
You can read in whatever you're needing to
Keep all your sights on
The big bad black cat that's
Changing colors
It's not the colors that matter
But that they'll all fade away
This I admit
Seems so full
Hard to believe an end to it
Warehouse is bare
Nothing at all inside of it
Walls and halls have disappeared
My love I love to stay here
In the warehouse
Dave Matthews Band - Warehouse
I apologise in advance to the members of Dave Matthews Band.
Lyric-ness?
Hey reckless mind
Don't throw away your playful beginning
You and I let us fumble around in the touches
And be sure to
Leave all the lights on
So I can see the black cat changing colors
And walk under ladders
And travel my eyes over you
Hey we have found
Becoming one in a million
Slip into the crowd
This question I found in the gap in the sidewalk
Keep all your sights on
The black cat changing colors
I can walk under ladders
And swim as the tides choose to turn me
Ideally, I can say,
Anything the fuck I want in here,
and noone, especially not Dale,
will ever read it.
And here I sit
Life goes on, end of tunnel, TV set
Spot in the middle
Static fade, statistic bit
And soon I fade away, fade away
Unless of course,
When you people said that you don't
read song lyrics, you really do,
That would mean you lied to me,
Bitches.
This I admit
Taste so good, hard to believe an end to it
Smell touch feel
How could this rhythm ever quit
Bags packed on a plane
Hopefully to heaven
However, If you lied to me,
I will cut you.
I will cut all of you,
I promise you that much at least.
I had a clue now it's gone forever
Sitting over these bones
You can read in whatever you're needing to
Keep all your sights on
The big bad black cat that's
Changing colors
It's not the colors that matter
But that they'll all fade away
This I admit
Seems so full
Hard to believe an end to it
Warehouse is bare
Nothing at all inside of it
Walls and halls have disappeared
My love I love to stay here
In the warehouse
Dave Matthews Band - Warehouse
I apologise in advance to the members of Dave Matthews Band.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Nick's Fantasy top five in ruins.
It has been a sad sad week for my fantasy top five.
What fantasy top five?
Wether they admit it or not, all people have a "Top five celebrities who I would just LOVE to do" list. Not based on personality. Based purely on physical attractiveness.
Everyone. Girls are not excused here and you know it.
Before the events of the last couple of weeks, the list looked something like this...
(In no particular order)
Jennifer Garner
Amy Smart
Katie Holmes
Natalie Portman
Tara Reid
And what has happened?
Holmes is "not doing but has been going the grope" with none other than Tom Cruise.
I mean. I am good, damn good. But not even I can compete with that.
Portman, for some reason is sporting a "not so attractive" shaved head look. It looks like she has been bumped from the top spots temporarily. (Call me shallow, see if I care), I probably wouldn't be so judgemental if I knew the reason for it (Like cancer, or a movie role, or something)
Smart has apparently dropped off the face of the earth. (I haven't seen her in any major role since "The Butterfly Affect" and that cameo in "Starsky and Hutch"
Reid. Despite the fact that she still has AWESOME eyes. Half the world has seen her right nipple, and despite that, she is a skanky little whore.
I liked it so much better when she was a sweet and innocent little girl in "American Pie"
And Garner? Well, she is carrying the spawn of Affleck and that is just not appealing.
I think I liked it much better when she was just dating Alias co-star Michael Vartan. Why? Because they were never going to have babies, and I could kick his ass.
He is, after all, very French.
Vartan: Nancy Boy
This means that I have noone to ogle!
Do you know how depressing that is for a man?
I think I will just cry quietly and watch the OC.
It has been a sad sad week for my fantasy top five.
What fantasy top five?
Wether they admit it or not, all people have a "Top five celebrities who I would just LOVE to do" list. Not based on personality. Based purely on physical attractiveness.
Everyone. Girls are not excused here and you know it.
Before the events of the last couple of weeks, the list looked something like this...
(In no particular order)
Jennifer Garner
Amy Smart
Katie Holmes
Natalie Portman
Tara Reid
And what has happened?
Holmes is "not doing but has been going the grope" with none other than Tom Cruise.
I mean. I am good, damn good. But not even I can compete with that.
Portman, for some reason is sporting a "not so attractive" shaved head look. It looks like she has been bumped from the top spots temporarily. (Call me shallow, see if I care), I probably wouldn't be so judgemental if I knew the reason for it (Like cancer, or a movie role, or something)
Smart has apparently dropped off the face of the earth. (I haven't seen her in any major role since "The Butterfly Affect" and that cameo in "Starsky and Hutch"
Reid. Despite the fact that she still has AWESOME eyes. Half the world has seen her right nipple, and despite that, she is a skanky little whore.
I liked it so much better when she was a sweet and innocent little girl in "American Pie"
And Garner? Well, she is carrying the spawn of Affleck and that is just not appealing.
I think I liked it much better when she was just dating Alias co-star Michael Vartan. Why? Because they were never going to have babies, and I could kick his ass.
He is, after all, very French.
Vartan: Nancy Boy
This means that I have noone to ogle!
Do you know how depressing that is for a man?
I think I will just cry quietly and watch the OC.
Friday, May 13, 2005
I am a whore of consumerism.
Know what I realised yesterday?
My toothbrush, is JUST a toothbrush.
It is a solid lump of coloured plastic, with bristles on the end.
It has no flexible neck.
It has no specially designed bristles.
There is no gum massager.
It is not battery operated.
It does not come with a tounge scraper.
It does not spin, buzz, scrub or produce some amazing high.
Being the consumer driven bastard that I am, I threw my head back and screamed at the heavens:
"I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!"
So I bought me a new fangled thing with all the other things.
And do you know what I realised?
It's a semi-solid lump of plastic with bristles and other bits of plastic hanging off.
And its AWESOME!
Know what I realised yesterday?
My toothbrush, is JUST a toothbrush.
It is a solid lump of coloured plastic, with bristles on the end.
It has no flexible neck.
It has no specially designed bristles.
There is no gum massager.
It is not battery operated.
It does not come with a tounge scraper.
It does not spin, buzz, scrub or produce some amazing high.
Being the consumer driven bastard that I am, I threw my head back and screamed at the heavens:
"I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!"
So I bought me a new fangled thing with all the other things.
And do you know what I realised?
It's a semi-solid lump of plastic with bristles and other bits of plastic hanging off.
And its AWESOME!
Monday, May 09, 2005
It's coming and you are going to love it....
Backed up slightly this weekend.
Once more I am torn between real work, and uni work and the like.
Expand?
Marty and I had a pay deal with the pizza place. This meant that we were been paid quite a bit more than the other drivers.
This week, due to pressure from the higher ups, that deal was revoked.
So, basically Marty quit on the spot.
I would have had to do the same due to the fact that it was already BARELY worthwhile me working there as it was, let alone for WAY less pay.
My last card to play was the old "promote me or I quit"
So, I got promoted. Thus, much of this week I spend getting trained some for my new role as Shift Supervisor.
The last week has also seen both Wizza and Andy celebrate their 19th lap round the sun.
We rang this in at Andy's house on Saturday night. I drank Budwiser. It claims to be the "King of Beers" Yet fails to deliver on all fronts.
I got hearty drunk! It was great!
Dale's car had a cry trying to get us all home, and refused to be push started requiring a callout from the RAA.
Also this week; I realised that my student services levy had not been paid at uni, and that the university wanted to poop rape me for the funds.
There is a creative post coming. Its half done. I will finish it after Uni tomorrow I hope.
Fingers crossed.
One more distraction, during the week I decided to treat myself and buy something that I had been waiting for, for a long long time.
That thing is a little game called "Knights of the Old Republic 2: The Sith Lords"
I figured with Star Wars Ep. 3 coming out within mere weeks, I would prepare myself.
This has eaten up a lot of my time, especially if you remember what happened LAST time...
Creativity was promised. I plan to deliver.
Backed up slightly this weekend.
Once more I am torn between real work, and uni work and the like.
Expand?
Marty and I had a pay deal with the pizza place. This meant that we were been paid quite a bit more than the other drivers.
This week, due to pressure from the higher ups, that deal was revoked.
So, basically Marty quit on the spot.
I would have had to do the same due to the fact that it was already BARELY worthwhile me working there as it was, let alone for WAY less pay.
My last card to play was the old "promote me or I quit"
So, I got promoted. Thus, much of this week I spend getting trained some for my new role as Shift Supervisor.
The last week has also seen both Wizza and Andy celebrate their 19th lap round the sun.
We rang this in at Andy's house on Saturday night. I drank Budwiser. It claims to be the "King of Beers" Yet fails to deliver on all fronts.
I got hearty drunk! It was great!
Dale's car had a cry trying to get us all home, and refused to be push started requiring a callout from the RAA.
Also this week; I realised that my student services levy had not been paid at uni, and that the university wanted to poop rape me for the funds.
There is a creative post coming. Its half done. I will finish it after Uni tomorrow I hope.
Fingers crossed.
One more distraction, during the week I decided to treat myself and buy something that I had been waiting for, for a long long time.
That thing is a little game called "Knights of the Old Republic 2: The Sith Lords"
I figured with Star Wars Ep. 3 coming out within mere weeks, I would prepare myself.
This has eaten up a lot of my time, especially if you remember what happened LAST time...
Creativity was promised. I plan to deliver.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
I feel uncreative...
I have been reading back over previous blog entries from back in the day, say, 2003, and I realise that lately, I have been super super uncreative.
So, my promise to you dear reader, is that within the next week, expect an increase in creative posting.
I have a few ideas that I have been tossing around when I am not thinking of something else random.
Expect pictures.
Expect stories.
Expect insanity.
Expect Nick.
I have been reading back over previous blog entries from back in the day, say, 2003, and I realise that lately, I have been super super uncreative.
So, my promise to you dear reader, is that within the next week, expect an increase in creative posting.
I have a few ideas that I have been tossing around when I am not thinking of something else random.
Expect pictures.
Expect stories.
Expect insanity.
Expect Nick.